Ask Tranny

This is from a man I had been talking to about transitioning.

i like the way you answer..honest and nonjudgmental...so here is where my confusion comes in....in my younger days... and i don't know how it happened i seemed to have gotten involved in a gay group as a straight male...now there were guys that dressed as women...there were guys that dressed as bikers and others dressed in suits...all in all they seemed to be as screwed up as the rest of the world...except the had sex with other guys...so here i am again a straight guy and all i see is a group of people that have had their their bodies altered...and as far as i can see dress as women...and except themselves as women....and this group is also as screwed up as the rest of the world....
but i am left wondering....if you made the transition to look like a woman
.............................................if you see yourselves as women
then why keep the penis?

Why keep the penis?? Why indeed... the answers, again, will vary from woman (with penis) to woman. The easy reason is, the surgery is REALLY expensive, and in the US is not covered by most insurance.. so economics play a huge part in this decision. In my case, I had facial feminizing surgery WAY before I'll have a Dr touch my crotch simply because more people see my face.

The other reason I don't think I'll have the operation is because I just don't care about my penis one way or the other. I don't use it sexually but don't have a burning hatred for it either. It's just some bits in the front.

Still other women deeply enjoy orgasms.. and genital surgery carries a large risk of removing the ability to orgasm - sometimes permanently. So while the motivation to transition is largely not sexual in nature, a compelling reason not to alter the penis is that orgasms feel nice.

Yet other women, who identify themselves a fully female, enjoy having a penis. Their "mind" is female (not sissy gay man) but their sexual enjoyment is "male" (that is penis-focused). These would be girls who like or prefer to Top.

And still there are those who don't neatly fit any sort of classification. It is REALLY important to understand that physical sex (what's going on between the legs) and gender identity are not the same thing. For most people without a trans identity crisis (or who haven't had one) it is hard to make the distinction, partly because there are so many "shades of grey" (Butch women, sissy men, hetero guys who are nurturing and sensitive..etc.). For a person with a Trans* identity it is often a case where the mind has an image of the body that is SEXually different from the way the body developed.

The existence of a penis or breasts or any other secondary sex-characteristic does not preclude any gender identity.

Ideas

I've had a couple ideas floating around in my head for some time. I have been talking to some friends who are beginning to transition and having some trouble. Specifically, in finding clothes and surgical options. My ideas are thus...

1) An online store that sells clothes to M2Fs and Crossdressers that aren't only fantasy/fetish wear. The thing is, many Trans*women have hard-to-fit bodies and some cuts and styles are going to be more flattering to us. Case in point - hands. There is no way to modify one's hands, and there are different proportions between a typical "male" hand and a "female" hand. So, longer cuffs on the sleeve or even ones that flare out would help camouflage this.

I think it would be cool to have a place that sells clothes in sizes and styles in one spot rather than hunting stores or websites.

2) A kinda international Tranny Consumer Reports for surgical options. Hanging out on various TG support sites, one is bound to run across adds for feminizing surgery or even SRS. They all clam to perform miracles with before and after shots to prove it (sometimes the same photos on different sites). I also know from my own research that some doctors are better at some surgeries than others. Something so very expensive and important as surgeries to allow us to live our lives (more or less) safely should be open to independent reviews so the economically savvy Tranny can get her stuff done by the most able surgeon she can afford.

Any thoughts??

Turning a Critical Eye to "The Community"

I'm not sure how this happens, but it does in every marginalized group of people. A group will compare itself to the majority culture and, in an attempt to gain acceptance, try to comply with the affectations of that culture.

I was with a good friend of mine, a natal woman who is back and sports some lovely long dreadlocks. We were waiting for the bus with a couple of other African-American women who were giving my friend ye olde "stink eye". One turned to the other and said "At least I can pass for white". My friend turned around and sad "Until you open that ghetto-ass mouth". I was ready for a throw-down (without Bobby Flay), but no fisti-cuffs resulted.

This got me thinking about some conversations I have been having in various online forums, and some I have been avoiding all together. The invisible, whispered, apparent divisions within the M2F Trans community. At the top you have the gals who have had SRS, or are just about to do so. Then you have a stratification of women who move up or down based on their either their surgical status, or INTENDED surgical status. The lowly "non-op" gal is at the bottom, regardless of her reasons, and piled high with assumptions by the gal who were able to shell out the cash for the switcheroo.

Then you have, like our snotty gals at the bus stop, the women who can "pass for woman". Knowing as I do that nobody passes ALL the time, the ones who can reasonably pass MOST of the time are the prize. Both for the guys who date us, and for our community. Passing is important for personal peace of mind and safety. We rioTgirls are in two different places regarding "passing" and our experiences vary GREATLY based on this fact. Particularly regarding our interactions within the Trans Community (including guys/gals who date within the community).

My issue isn't SRS, or Passing, or the women who do either or both. My issue is the establishment of authority to determine authenticity based on either criteria. Rather than embrace the full spectrum of gender variant people, the SRS crowd want to make THEIR goal everyone's. The reality is, body modification MUST be done with an end to anxiety as a goal - the goal NEEDS to be self-comfort and nothing more. If SRS is what makes someone feel complete, ROCK OUT!! Save that cash and book your hospital stay. If it isn't, then you shouldn't be made to feel like a fetishist, or a cross dresser, or a whore - unless you adopt those descriptors for yourself.

**This is where I personal opinion comes in, and it is just that OPINION***
Passing, is IMO more important than a vagina. The face gives more clues to gender than a bulge in the skirt. On the other hand, obsessing over "passability" is the surest way NOT to pass - you will NEVER pass as well as you want to. It's part of the beauty myth that there is an ideal body/face/personality - don't buy into it beyond your own comfort levels. If you use personal comfort as your guide, rather than measurements of your skull vs. those of an average woman's skull as your guide, your quest for passability will be comforting rather than anxious.

Unlike my friend, I'd never tell a "passing woman" that her actions betray her history. I'd also like to come to a point within our community where surgical status, how contoured our forehead is, or any other artificial qualifications are non-issues. Heck, I'd like to see the day where a guy with a beard to his knees can claim a Trans*identity and feel no compulsion to modify is body to find acceptance within the Trans community. Acceptance within the greater community will likely take much longer...

I have been looking at the legal requirements for changing one's sex. They vary from state to state, and I'll get into some specific requirements later. One thing that I have noticed and that is really bothering me is that in most state, and countries for that matter, the requirement to be legally officially recognized as a woman is to have SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery). The standards are different for transmen probably because surgical options are pretty limited.

What this does is create a class of woman who is kept from attaining the status that she is living. This impacts unfairly poor women, young women, old women, women with illnesses, and women of color. Not to mention women who don't mind or rather enjoy their penis.

This also creates another class of people, namely "mental health professionals", who have the right to deny a woman her legal status by denying her surgical intervention. I have heard so many stories of women who were denied SRS because they were "too old", or didn't "pass well", or didn't exhibit "qualities congruent with their target gender" - that is they didn't act like a hyper femme stereotypical woman.

Economics must be the motivation here. Since the people doing the gatekeeping KNOW that gender is a function of identity and not plumbing. The people who hold the surgical key charge soooooooooooooooo much for it. Really, it is time for our doctors and "care givers" to get off their collective asses and help us change these restrictions so that myself and my sisters can do things like get jobs and simply live our lives.