Yesterday was the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Most every person who reads this will be aware of the TODR and written about it or read something powerful about it. I have always had a link to the Remembering Our Dead site because it's that damn important to me.
I'm angry because we are still being killed. I am angry that our murders don't get solved. I am angry that the G the L and the B pay token attention to our issues.
But that's not why I'm PISSED. I'm PISSED because our lives are still erased by the media. Our names are written "IN QUOTES" like a nickname. We are "gay men" who "dressed as women". Our lives, our humanity, our identity is constantly questioned by cis-sexual society to the point we get no relief even in death. When we are murdered, we are somehow partly to blame.
The men who "admire" us are oddly absent at a TDOR. Our lives are only as valuable as their next orgasm. We are only allowed to be the sexy silly dolls of their little fantasy land. When the lights come on and their dreams are over, they are absent, silent, afraid.
At the end of the last TDOR I spoke to a couple friends about safety. I found out that the number of Trans*women I personally know who have been assaulted sexually is 100%. Yup ALL of us every age, every occupation, every socio-economic class. Most of us have been hit or threatened with violence by an intimate partner. Half of us have had our status as Trans* used as ammunition to coerce us into staying in a relationship, or not reporting violence.
I want to have an answer, and mostly I'm pissed that I don't.
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Friday, November 21, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
More Gender Discussion
As stated earlier, for some reason my awareness was always directed towards females in a way that was not true for my brothers. Men were "other" and while I received conditioning and socialization as a male, I also watched and learned and internalized female socialization.
Socialization that I sometimes needed Feminism to disect and process and ultimately try to change. As an adult, I found I had given myself very little agency in my life. Saying "no" was hard, particularly with men. Determining my own sexual and romantic needs and desires was (and still is) often impossible. Putting my needs before another's is still second nature.
In adulthood, my housemates were always women, mostly Lesbian women and always Feminists. We were all very politically active centering on GLBT, Women's, and Anti-Racist issues. I bring this up to offer another example of that *something* that understanding, that thing that hasn't a name yet. I GOT sexism, I saw it, I understood it, I could feel it. It was that way that boys and men acted that made me feel like I didn't belong. It was those comments they made and the way they looked at women that made me uncomfortable. It wasn't a political theory, or a social critique - it was the name of a very real part of my internal conflict.
This was in marked contrast with how I came to understand race and class issues. Comming from a place of relative privelege, I wasn't aware of how I contributed to raceism or classism. Thankfully I usually had the sense to shut up and listen when POCs would talk about Race. I accepted what they said as, at the very least, their truth. However there was a probably common period where I just really didn't "get it". I had to unlearn and examine myself in light of race and class opression.
I'm not saying I didn't have male privelege or use it. I'm also not saying that I had a childhood like a girl has a childhood. What I am saying it I saw my childhood and processed all the information I was given in a way that made "woman" the normal and "man" the other thing that wasn't safe and wasn't particularly important (except for being cute). Unlike my Raceism, which was the invisible unseen unchallenged "way things are".
My use of race and raceism isn't intended to compare opressions. Rather, I hope to show how a Trans* identity can filter social messages by using an example of social messages about race/class that were (unfortunately) more traditionally filtered and processed and challenged.
I have no idea if other Trans* people have anything like this. I am simply stating how I understand my childhood.
Socialization that I sometimes needed Feminism to disect and process and ultimately try to change. As an adult, I found I had given myself very little agency in my life. Saying "no" was hard, particularly with men. Determining my own sexual and romantic needs and desires was (and still is) often impossible. Putting my needs before another's is still second nature.
In adulthood, my housemates were always women, mostly Lesbian women and always Feminists. We were all very politically active centering on GLBT, Women's, and Anti-Racist issues. I bring this up to offer another example of that *something* that understanding, that thing that hasn't a name yet. I GOT sexism, I saw it, I understood it, I could feel it. It was that way that boys and men acted that made me feel like I didn't belong. It was those comments they made and the way they looked at women that made me uncomfortable. It wasn't a political theory, or a social critique - it was the name of a very real part of my internal conflict.
This was in marked contrast with how I came to understand race and class issues. Comming from a place of relative privelege, I wasn't aware of how I contributed to raceism or classism. Thankfully I usually had the sense to shut up and listen when POCs would talk about Race. I accepted what they said as, at the very least, their truth. However there was a probably common period where I just really didn't "get it". I had to unlearn and examine myself in light of race and class opression.
I'm not saying I didn't have male privelege or use it. I'm also not saying that I had a childhood like a girl has a childhood. What I am saying it I saw my childhood and processed all the information I was given in a way that made "woman" the normal and "man" the other thing that wasn't safe and wasn't particularly important (except for being cute). Unlike my Raceism, which was the invisible unseen unchallenged "way things are".
My use of race and raceism isn't intended to compare opressions. Rather, I hope to show how a Trans* identity can filter social messages by using an example of social messages about race/class that were (unfortunately) more traditionally filtered and processed and challenged.
I have no idea if other Trans* people have anything like this. I am simply stating how I understand my childhood.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Discussing Gender
I want to discuss gender. I want to discuss this from a place of questioning and experience, rather than a place of opression and theory. While both theory and opression are important to the discussion of gender, too often gendered experiences are dismissed (particularly when he experience comes from a trans* person).
One thing I'd like to talk about are some of my earliest understandings. It is important to understand how children learn about the world. Children learn through instruction, but mostly it is through observation. Most children will pay close attention to adults who closely match their sex. Boy children will learn how to be a man by watching the men in their life - thus you have generational abusers who may have been instructed not to hit women, but observed men hitting women.
As far back as I can remember, my observations have always been of the women in my life. The men were simply not that important or interesting. If a book, movie or TV show didn't have a compelling female character, I was not interested. I watched and learned how to be an adult by watching my mother, grandmothers, aunts, and to a lesser extent televison (good thing mom was a pretty right-on woman, because the tv women back in the day were often pretty poor role models).
I was aware of inequality in the work my mother performed (she was a stay-at-home parent) and my father (construction). Unequal as far as how their individual contributions were regarded. I was, and have always been, very aware of sexist comments, because those comments didn't reflect ME or the women I knew - not because "mamma raised me right" (although she didn't do a bad job either).
When I say "I always knew I was a girl". I am NOT saying "I liked to play with dolls" or "I wore momma's heals when she wasn't looking." What I am saying is for SOME reason, I took all my social cues from the women around me, even when cues by males were equally available. MEN were the "other" in my life as a child before elementary school. I had a close relationship with my father until I came out (first as gay, then trans) so it isn't like we had a strained relationship, or he was absent from my life. I just didn't relate to him as a model for who I was to become as an adult.
I'd like to take and expand on this from time to time, because I think there really is SOMETHING to gender. Part of the problem with discussing Trans issues is a shared understanding of gender, but no convenient language to talk about it.
One thing I'd like to talk about are some of my earliest understandings. It is important to understand how children learn about the world. Children learn through instruction, but mostly it is through observation. Most children will pay close attention to adults who closely match their sex. Boy children will learn how to be a man by watching the men in their life - thus you have generational abusers who may have been instructed not to hit women, but observed men hitting women.
As far back as I can remember, my observations have always been of the women in my life. The men were simply not that important or interesting. If a book, movie or TV show didn't have a compelling female character, I was not interested. I watched and learned how to be an adult by watching my mother, grandmothers, aunts, and to a lesser extent televison (good thing mom was a pretty right-on woman, because the tv women back in the day were often pretty poor role models).
I was aware of inequality in the work my mother performed (she was a stay-at-home parent) and my father (construction). Unequal as far as how their individual contributions were regarded. I was, and have always been, very aware of sexist comments, because those comments didn't reflect ME or the women I knew - not because "mamma raised me right" (although she didn't do a bad job either).
When I say "I always knew I was a girl". I am NOT saying "I liked to play with dolls" or "I wore momma's heals when she wasn't looking." What I am saying is for SOME reason, I took all my social cues from the women around me, even when cues by males were equally available. MEN were the "other" in my life as a child before elementary school. I had a close relationship with my father until I came out (first as gay, then trans) so it isn't like we had a strained relationship, or he was absent from my life. I just didn't relate to him as a model for who I was to become as an adult.
I'd like to take and expand on this from time to time, because I think there really is SOMETHING to gender. Part of the problem with discussing Trans issues is a shared understanding of gender, but no convenient language to talk about it.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I got to Thinking
I read Questioning Transphobia regularly. I have to say Lisa Harney is one of my idols, along with RiftGirl they were the unwitting kick in the pants I needed to start this little blog (along with other groovy friends who told both of us we needed to talk less and write more).
Anyway, a recent shit storm on the F Word blog is documented and commented on QT.
http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/
This reminded me of some conversations I have had with long time Lesbian Feminist friends of mine. A few things keep comming up when talking with my friends and also talking with RadFems on the Internt that I would like to discuss.
1) You can be a "different kind of man (woman)".
This assumes I didn't actually TRY that - for YEARS.. and YEARS.
2) "I wasn't comfortable being a 'girl' growing up, but through soul-searching and really processing my feelings and society's demands on women I was able to be comfortable as a butch lesbian who loves her female body."
This one REALLY stinks. It stinks to the highest heaven. It centers a Trans* person's life on the cis-gendered person's experience of comming to terms with their own non-conforming gender expression. It further claims that what's good enough for them is good enough for me. It assumes, again, that I didn't Try that for YEARS..and YEARS.
3) "In MY world there would be no gender, so no need to transition. Everyone could dress and act the way they pleased."
Awesome.. I wanna live there too. Except.. well, I would still be transitioning. See it isn't about clothes, or hair, or shaving, or makeup. I did all that yummy goodness as a BIG OLE SISSY boy. The thing is - I UNDERSTOOD myself, from as early as I can remember, as being a girl. There is nothing more to say because there isn't language to express it. The affectations of "feminity" are just that - props to be used or discarded at my whim. The UNDERSTANDING is not the same as a desire to put on mum's shoes.
4) "There is so much pressure to transition. It's like if you don't feel enough like a guy or a gal you should transition."
My assumption from this is the pressure is comming from within the Trans* community. I haven't seen it. Quite the opposite actually. When I was first seriously questioning transition every Trans*woman I met was quick to point out that being a Drag Queen, or a Cross Dresser, or a sissy guy was valid and perfectly OK.
If the pressure is supposed to be somming from society - WHAT??!! Let me say without hesitation - me being seen as a shy sissified gay boy was so much easier than being seen as Trans. Night and day - seriously.
Also, the underlying theme here is that transitioning is somehow easier than being non-conforming to one's birth sex. That Trans* folks are taking the path of least resistance. Again I'll say from where I sit, it was a hell of alot easier to be a fey man than a tranny.
Anyway, a recent shit storm on the F Word blog is documented and commented on QT.
http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/
This reminded me of some conversations I have had with long time Lesbian Feminist friends of mine. A few things keep comming up when talking with my friends and also talking with RadFems on the Internt that I would like to discuss.
1) You can be a "different kind of man (woman)".
This assumes I didn't actually TRY that - for YEARS.. and YEARS.
2) "I wasn't comfortable being a 'girl' growing up, but through soul-searching and really processing my feelings and society's demands on women I was able to be comfortable as a butch lesbian who loves her female body."
This one REALLY stinks. It stinks to the highest heaven. It centers a Trans* person's life on the cis-gendered person's experience of comming to terms with their own non-conforming gender expression. It further claims that what's good enough for them is good enough for me. It assumes, again, that I didn't Try that for YEARS..and YEARS.
3) "In MY world there would be no gender, so no need to transition. Everyone could dress and act the way they pleased."
Awesome.. I wanna live there too. Except.. well, I would still be transitioning. See it isn't about clothes, or hair, or shaving, or makeup. I did all that yummy goodness as a BIG OLE SISSY boy. The thing is - I UNDERSTOOD myself, from as early as I can remember, as being a girl. There is nothing more to say because there isn't language to express it. The affectations of "feminity" are just that - props to be used or discarded at my whim. The UNDERSTANDING is not the same as a desire to put on mum's shoes.
4) "There is so much pressure to transition. It's like if you don't feel enough like a guy or a gal you should transition."
My assumption from this is the pressure is comming from within the Trans* community. I haven't seen it. Quite the opposite actually. When I was first seriously questioning transition every Trans*woman I met was quick to point out that being a Drag Queen, or a Cross Dresser, or a sissy guy was valid and perfectly OK.
If the pressure is supposed to be somming from society - WHAT??!! Let me say without hesitation - me being seen as a shy sissified gay boy was so much easier than being seen as Trans. Night and day - seriously.
Also, the underlying theme here is that transitioning is somehow easier than being non-conforming to one's birth sex. That Trans* folks are taking the path of least resistance. Again I'll say from where I sit, it was a hell of alot easier to be a fey man than a tranny.
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Sound of Music
It is summer and as the weather heats up so does the debate about the Michigan Womyn's Music Fest (MWMF).. or The Fest by those who attend. This is a week long camping trip in Michigan on a plot of land owned by the organizers of the fest - lovingly called "The Land" (ok ok ok "The Fest" and "The Land" not really clever naming going on, but the amazing ways vowels are used in the words "woman" brings a tear to the eye). The time is spent in an all womon environment amongst womyn supporting womon-owned businesses and listening to Womyn's Music. All 100% supported and maintained by the fest-goers (Festies). I FULLY support women supporting eachother, community buiulding, and even the idea of "wimin-only spaces".
The snag comes into play with a policy of MWMF ... the Fest is open to "Womon-born-wimin". That is.. no trannies pre/post op legally or otherwise. If you weren't born XX - or Intersex and RAISED AS A GIRL, Michigan would prefer you not attend. The bit about being raised as a girl is important. Being raised a boy imparts some level of priviledge (wanted or not, observed or not) that being raised a girl does not. Giving up that preferred status does not give away a history of being better treated.
So, Michigan doesn't want TGs. A group of Transwomen have set up a protest cam called Camp Trans (ok, so our naming conventions suck too) right across the road for the Festival's main gate. They protest exclusion and try to educate the Festies about the policy and Trans issues. Hurrah!! Honestly two really important things that unfortunately have come into conflict.
MWMF - officially will not do any "gender checks" and has asked Festies not to question someone's gender. Rather like "Don't ask don't tell". Organizers know full well that Transwomen attend every year and have since the first tent got pitched (or didn't).
I remember as a young 'un when ALL my Lesbain friends would pack up and leave me to watch the house and cats for a week. It stunk - mainly because I avoided cleaning the litter box. I mean here were 80% of my friends all gone and I couldn't go! I was living FT as a man, so I got why I couldn't go - still made me sad. But it's not about me or my needs really - my friends had a good time and brought back varying degrees of good/bad music and LOTS of sex stories. They also legimately seemed better able and willing to deal with the real world as feminists and lesbians and activists. Their batteries were "recharged" by disconnecting from a world under male influence.
Now that I'm living as a woman, I still can't play with my friends..openly at MWMF. I thought about joining Camp Trans and spreading the message that I was born a woman.. people just took a long time to figure it out. That as a Transwoman I KNOW that sexism is real, not as a theory, but as a daily pervasive practice. As long as I "pass" I get crapped on just like every other woman - if I don't, I get crapped on like "failed men" are (you know sissy gay guys). I though about it.. but I won't.. and I don't even support Camp Trans' objective anymore....
(Dun Dun Duuuun)
Lets look at this from MWMF's perspective. Do they want to make a policy that includes post-op gals? That's a classest statement right there, and by extention a racist one. That doesn't even get into the discussion of "gender vs. sex" which is the basis of most feminism. Do they open it up to women who don't look really "Trannified"??? Would you like to be at the ticket booth on a humid August morning with a line of people as far as the eye can see determining if sone transwoman "passes" well enough to get in? I sure wouldn't. OR just allow the ful spectrum of trans* identified people? I can't see that being a good solution at all - I know a gal who is trans identified M2F who for her own reasons has to "pass" as a man all day long. She is as much a woman as I am, but ..... should she be allowed at Michigan where womin are looking to relax without pressure from men?
So... Michigan's policy is actually not a bad one... it's not a great one.. but I honestly think it's the best option they have. It also helps that I have passing aquaintences with a couple womin who take off in a couple weeks to get The Land ready (and have for 20 years). These individual womin are organizers of The Fest, and I know they have strong personal relationships with the Trans* community.
All this said.. and before I get tired of typing... the reasons the Festies give for maintaining the WBW policy continue to perpetuate the idea that these women do indeed need to be educated about Trans issues. Some of the worst reasoning and faulty logic EVER is contained on the MWMF forums when this issue comes up. So.. Fest policy, not bad.. Festie Trans=Panic.. pretty retched... and the topic of another post soon.
The snag comes into play with a policy of MWMF ... the Fest is open to "Womon-born-wimin". That is.. no trannies pre/post op legally or otherwise. If you weren't born XX - or Intersex and RAISED AS A GIRL, Michigan would prefer you not attend. The bit about being raised as a girl is important. Being raised a boy imparts some level of priviledge (wanted or not, observed or not) that being raised a girl does not. Giving up that preferred status does not give away a history of being better treated.
So, Michigan doesn't want TGs. A group of Transwomen have set up a protest cam called Camp Trans (ok, so our naming conventions suck too) right across the road for the Festival's main gate. They protest exclusion and try to educate the Festies about the policy and Trans issues. Hurrah!! Honestly two really important things that unfortunately have come into conflict.
MWMF - officially will not do any "gender checks" and has asked Festies not to question someone's gender. Rather like "Don't ask don't tell". Organizers know full well that Transwomen attend every year and have since the first tent got pitched (or didn't).
I remember as a young 'un when ALL my Lesbain friends would pack up and leave me to watch the house and cats for a week. It stunk - mainly because I avoided cleaning the litter box. I mean here were 80% of my friends all gone and I couldn't go! I was living FT as a man, so I got why I couldn't go - still made me sad. But it's not about me or my needs really - my friends had a good time and brought back varying degrees of good/bad music and LOTS of sex stories. They also legimately seemed better able and willing to deal with the real world as feminists and lesbians and activists. Their batteries were "recharged" by disconnecting from a world under male influence.
Now that I'm living as a woman, I still can't play with my friends..openly at MWMF. I thought about joining Camp Trans and spreading the message that I was born a woman.. people just took a long time to figure it out. That as a Transwoman I KNOW that sexism is real, not as a theory, but as a daily pervasive practice. As long as I "pass" I get crapped on just like every other woman - if I don't, I get crapped on like "failed men" are (you know sissy gay guys). I though about it.. but I won't.. and I don't even support Camp Trans' objective anymore....
(Dun Dun Duuuun)
Lets look at this from MWMF's perspective. Do they want to make a policy that includes post-op gals? That's a classest statement right there, and by extention a racist one. That doesn't even get into the discussion of "gender vs. sex" which is the basis of most feminism. Do they open it up to women who don't look really "Trannified"??? Would you like to be at the ticket booth on a humid August morning with a line of people as far as the eye can see determining if sone transwoman "passes" well enough to get in? I sure wouldn't. OR just allow the ful spectrum of trans* identified people? I can't see that being a good solution at all - I know a gal who is trans identified M2F who for her own reasons has to "pass" as a man all day long. She is as much a woman as I am, but ..... should she be allowed at Michigan where womin are looking to relax without pressure from men?
So... Michigan's policy is actually not a bad one... it's not a great one.. but I honestly think it's the best option they have. It also helps that I have passing aquaintences with a couple womin who take off in a couple weeks to get The Land ready (and have for 20 years). These individual womin are organizers of The Fest, and I know they have strong personal relationships with the Trans* community.
All this said.. and before I get tired of typing... the reasons the Festies give for maintaining the WBW policy continue to perpetuate the idea that these women do indeed need to be educated about Trans issues. Some of the worst reasoning and faulty logic EVER is contained on the MWMF forums when this issue comes up. So.. Fest policy, not bad.. Festie Trans=Panic.. pretty retched... and the topic of another post soon.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I have been looking at the legal requirements for changing one's sex. They vary from state to state, and I'll get into some specific requirements later. One thing that I have noticed and that is really bothering me is that in most state, and countries for that matter, the requirement to be legally officially recognized as a woman is to have SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery). The standards are different for transmen probably because surgical options are pretty limited.
What this does is create a class of woman who is kept from attaining the status that she is living. This impacts unfairly poor women, young women, old women, women with illnesses, and women of color. Not to mention women who don't mind or rather enjoy their penis.
This also creates another class of people, namely "mental health professionals", who have the right to deny a woman her legal status by denying her surgical intervention. I have heard so many stories of women who were denied SRS because they were "too old", or didn't "pass well", or didn't exhibit "qualities congruent with their target gender" - that is they didn't act like a hyper femme stereotypical woman.
Economics must be the motivation here. Since the people doing the gatekeeping KNOW that gender is a function of identity and not plumbing. The people who hold the surgical key charge soooooooooooooooo much for it. Really, it is time for our doctors and "care givers" to get off their collective asses and help us change these restrictions so that myself and my sisters can do things like get jobs and simply live our lives.
What this does is create a class of woman who is kept from attaining the status that she is living. This impacts unfairly poor women, young women, old women, women with illnesses, and women of color. Not to mention women who don't mind or rather enjoy their penis.
This also creates another class of people, namely "mental health professionals", who have the right to deny a woman her legal status by denying her surgical intervention. I have heard so many stories of women who were denied SRS because they were "too old", or didn't "pass well", or didn't exhibit "qualities congruent with their target gender" - that is they didn't act like a hyper femme stereotypical woman.
Economics must be the motivation here. Since the people doing the gatekeeping KNOW that gender is a function of identity and not plumbing. The people who hold the surgical key charge soooooooooooooooo much for it. Really, it is time for our doctors and "care givers" to get off their collective asses and help us change these restrictions so that myself and my sisters can do things like get jobs and simply live our lives.
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