I got to Thinking

I read Questioning Transphobia regularly. I have to say Lisa Harney is one of my idols, along with RiftGirl they were the unwitting kick in the pants I needed to start this little blog (along with other groovy friends who told both of us we needed to talk less and write more).

Anyway, a recent shit storm on the F Word blog is documented and commented on QT.

http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/

This reminded me of some conversations I have had with long time Lesbian Feminist friends of mine. A few things keep comming up when talking with my friends and also talking with RadFems on the Internt that I would like to discuss.

1) You can be a "different kind of man (woman)".

This assumes I didn't actually TRY that - for YEARS.. and YEARS.

2) "I wasn't comfortable being a 'girl' growing up, but through soul-searching and really processing my feelings and society's demands on women I was able to be comfortable as a butch lesbian who loves her female body."

This one REALLY stinks. It stinks to the highest heaven. It centers a Trans* person's life on the cis-gendered person's experience of comming to terms with their own non-conforming gender expression. It further claims that what's good enough for them is good enough for me. It assumes, again, that I didn't Try that for YEARS..and YEARS.

3) "In MY world there would be no gender, so no need to transition. Everyone could dress and act the way they pleased."

Awesome.. I wanna live there too. Except.. well, I would still be transitioning. See it isn't about clothes, or hair, or shaving, or makeup. I did all that yummy goodness as a BIG OLE SISSY boy. The thing is - I UNDERSTOOD myself, from as early as I can remember, as being a girl. There is nothing more to say because there isn't language to express it. The affectations of "feminity" are just that - props to be used or discarded at my whim. The UNDERSTANDING is not the same as a desire to put on mum's shoes.

4) "There is so much pressure to transition. It's like if you don't feel enough like a guy or a gal you should transition."

My assumption from this is the pressure is comming from within the Trans* community. I haven't seen it. Quite the opposite actually. When I was first seriously questioning transition every Trans*woman I met was quick to point out that being a Drag Queen, or a Cross Dresser, or a sissy guy was valid and perfectly OK.

If the pressure is supposed to be somming from society - WHAT??!! Let me say without hesitation - me being seen as a shy sissified gay boy was so much easier than being seen as Trans. Night and day - seriously.

Also, the underlying theme here is that transitioning is somehow easier than being non-conforming to one's birth sex. That Trans* folks are taking the path of least resistance. Again I'll say from where I sit, it was a hell of alot easier to be a fey man than a tranny.

Ideas

I've had a couple ideas floating around in my head for some time. I have been talking to some friends who are beginning to transition and having some trouble. Specifically, in finding clothes and surgical options. My ideas are thus...

1) An online store that sells clothes to M2Fs and Crossdressers that aren't only fantasy/fetish wear. The thing is, many Trans*women have hard-to-fit bodies and some cuts and styles are going to be more flattering to us. Case in point - hands. There is no way to modify one's hands, and there are different proportions between a typical "male" hand and a "female" hand. So, longer cuffs on the sleeve or even ones that flare out would help camouflage this.

I think it would be cool to have a place that sells clothes in sizes and styles in one spot rather than hunting stores or websites.

2) A kinda international Tranny Consumer Reports for surgical options. Hanging out on various TG support sites, one is bound to run across adds for feminizing surgery or even SRS. They all clam to perform miracles with before and after shots to prove it (sometimes the same photos on different sites). I also know from my own research that some doctors are better at some surgeries than others. Something so very expensive and important as surgeries to allow us to live our lives (more or less) safely should be open to independent reviews so the economically savvy Tranny can get her stuff done by the most able surgeon she can afford.

Any thoughts??

Who's THAT Girl?

Well, it may be more effective to say what I'm not..

I am neither a CD (Cross Dresser) or a TV (Transvestite). Both of these are quite fine things to be, but not my thing. For me "Dressing up" putting on makeup, panties, matching my purse and my shoes isn't particularly fun, I don't get a thrill out of it - let's face it, I'm getting up an hour earlier than I used to to put on a face for work... not exactly hyper glam that.. My taste in clothes isn't particularly "girlie" .. lace kinda itches and overly ruffled clothes kinda confuse me. I wear the female version of the clothes I wore as a man (hoodies cut for the fem body, jeans, sneakers, etc). I own dresses, but they are more of a fun retro/ironic thing or simple and understated.. no bangles and boas here.... (So, not a CD with a hyped up idea of "femininity")

Contrary to popular belief I (and most TSs) do not "get off" dressing up. Putting on women's clothes is about as sexual as crossing the street. It is what it is and perhaps a means to an end. Some gals and guys too (ya norty panty bois..god love ya) find feminizing to be highly erotic, and good on ya!! It can be. Feeling sexy for me is a head to toe thing, so clothes do play a part..as does smell, and taste, and background noise. But specific articles of clothing are not erotically charged for me.

So, I have ruled out two of the Big Three.. that leaves Trans-Sexual. But, golly, that's a word with lots of meaning for lots of different people. I will only address this from my own perspective, with some insights from others I have gathered along the way. At the very very most basic level of understanding for me - I should have been born female. Before I was 5 years old, for example, I'd tell my playmates that I was a girl. My mom even wrote a letter to my Kindergarten teacher explaining that I sometimes think I'm a girl. What does this all mean??

It means that the way I think is female (not "feminine").. not in an obsessed with shoes stereotype, but in the way I process information. The way I respond to my environment. The way I communicate to people. The particular tasks I do well vs. the tasks I do poorly. Obviously, the human brain is as individual as the humans who posses one and the above are broad generalizations about brain and physical gender and one could easily have no conflict with their born gender while also having an a-typical "brain sex". This means that I am a woman and have been female 24/7 my whole life.. I am as female in a suit and tie as I am in a slinky dress. Very very few people get this so I'll say it again..

I have always thought/reacted/processed information in a very VERY typically female way. This is regardless of how I am dressed, so I am as female in a suit and tie as I am in a slinky dress. The clothes, makeup, hair and other articles that trigger "woman" in the average person's mind are useful to me in two very important ways:

1) Aside from being fun..time consuming, but fun... makeup and clothes serve the same purpose for me as they do for genetic women.. they help me feel better about how I look.

2) It helps people on the street know how to treat me and what to expect from me. Men and women treat each other very very differently. I feel a little guilty sometimes because guys used to let their guard down and treat me like "one of the guys"... it's really not fair to them *wink*

For me, gender is between the ears, not the legs (as told to me by someone more wise and lovely than I can ever hope to be). I think I'll leave with that statement whilst I ponder questions of gender/sexuality/politics/personality... I look forward to any and all comments and hope this gave someone some insight.