Back to the same old subject. I was thinking about guys who dig transwomen and date us. How they so often won't even show up for a date - guys don't believe me when I say it, but MY GOD if I had $5 for every time I had to eat or see a movie alone, I'd be paying for someone elses' feminizing surgeries - I'd be THAT frikkin rich!.
Guys who are attracted to TGs, and have the guts to actually contact us are special folks. Unfortunately, they know this. They know that the pool of guys is pretty small. While porn may be the name of the game these days, and trans porn is pretty popular, the guys who are looking at it are largely never going to act on it. I have made a couple observations.
1) The guys know better than to call us "he". But, they almost say "she" like they are in on some private joke. Like there is an almost invisible wink and nudge.
2) They feel entitled to behave poorly, because .. well they FEEL special. Like they are our only chance at a date or sex or a relationship. This gives them some sort of subconscious OK to expect that we will simply take rude, poor, violent, insulting behavior and smile and still feel special because they have stooped low enough to give us a little time.
Obviously, if you are reading this blog and are a male you very likely don't fit these observations. It is also very likely that neither of us have dated you ;).
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8 comments:
It's lamentable that a guy would establish a dialogue with either of you, only to not show up on a date and thereafter perform a disappearing act. While I do agree that many a time due to the prevalence of "she-male" porn men will initially act interested then shy away; I do sometimes notice a trend. It sometimes seems that women who have been stood up, or women who have been cheated on, or women who have experienced what I call a "douchebag" guy are often jaded.
What I mean by that is; I think a lot of women automatically judge a man summarily when he shows interest in her, thinking "pfft he's only after my bits and pieces" or "he'll probably stand me up" or "ugh another tranny chaser."
It's how I've seen things recently, I could be wrong as these are the observations of someone looking in from the outside.
What do you think?
I used to think something like that. I'd be in a TG date site chat and see what seemed like nice guys trying to get into conversations get shot down and made fun of by some of the gals. being the nice gal I am, I'd shoot them a "don't let them get to ya " private message because I would feel sorry for them.
Sometimes I made a nice friend out of it. More often I got a creep or someone who hounded me for weeks/months until I finally gave in for a date and then *poof*.. noshow and no contact for months only to turn up later like he didn't just waste my time, not understanding that I was seeing someone else or simply not interested..
I really don't want to come off like I'm slagging men. I really do like them lots.
I believe you, but I wonder what "show up" rate is for all dates that were set up on internet. I have been on other side where the woman was pre maybe still is, and not full time and got cold feet of or whatever. Only full time and single girls from now on I think, or only cis women. Sometimes I think its becuse undercover married jerks get cold feet. I wonder if transmen or intergendered have similar problems too. It just stinks though no matter which way you look at it. And since you live in soutwest girls I guess said date will never happen for this male.
Strong brings up a valid point, I wonder what the comparative percentage of no-shows are for TG dates to cisexual dates over the internet.
Something tells me Riftgirl would know those numbers. She knows everything.
Well, I've only dated 3 trans women in my life. I've known many on a friend basis, because of my older cousin who was Bi, and in the theater, and he made many costumes for many trans women as well as drag queens and CD's. To me a trans woman is always a woman unless she tells me different. And to ask for a date then not show up is just RUDE! I may be late but I will do my best to make sure I show up, even if I can't spend the time I want. With kids sometimes my schedule isn't my own.
I dunno, Internet dating is kinda like the Internet itself: it's an intangible thing, a virtual world. A lot of chasers build their little fantasy world through their on-line "interaction" with folks, whatever the virtual reality (to him) of those folks really is.
Its like a video game, with the chaser immersed in his little game. When it gets late, or the wife walks in on him at the computer, *poof*, the game is over and the counter resets itself until tomorrow.
I can't accept anything of substance really happening, relationshipwise, in such a virtual world. Not to say that it doesn't happen, ever, but the odds are not good. Jaded, maybe, but in a perfect world (which we live in, right?) I'll meet my next beau at the checkout counter, whenever that happens.
...and I can SO relate to the "...wink, wink, nudge, nudge" routine from these guys, like we're not to be taken seriously for being ourselves.
I'm done for now....
tracee, I have honestly met some of the greatest fellas online. I think for gals like us dating in a place where we don't have to disclose our status takes some of the pressure off. I mean you get lots of wankers, but you'll have that anyplace. My biggest issue with teh interwebz is the fact that the Web is in fact World Wide. I meet super smart stunning studs - who live in Australia *sigh*
strongback, trellian and Mark *hugs*. I'm not holding TGs immune to being ass-hats. I'm positive that many a swell guys has been stood up by a flaking out tranny. That said, in chats with guys who are looking to date/hook up I don't hear about them getting stood up like I do from Trans*women. Or when I'm talking to my cis girl-friends, *if* they get stood up it's a world-ending ordeal..rather than par for the course like it seems with T-gals.
Dating sucks all over for everybody. maybe I'm more sensitive because I seem to be the one...
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