A Little Fib

I was talking on yahoo Im with a friend a couple days ago. He insisted that I must have scores of guys in my daily life hitting on me. I told him that I was pretty painfully oblivious to that sort of thing.

This was not true.

I am aware of the not-so-subtle subtle ways guys try to get attention from the women they meet. The truth of the matter is, I flatly ignore it. Not because I'm vain or anything like that. It is simply safer that way. While I may be openly Trans, I'm also not wearing a sign. If it comes up, it comes up. I prefer organic disclosure.

The thing is, the revelation of my Trans status has one of two results in my history. 1) Someone who minutes ago was handing me his phone number or awkwardly asking me for coffee suddenly feels deceived and within his rights to be insulting, demeaning, or downright violent. 2) They get a really creepy look in their eyes as all the fantasy images of a "Chick with a Dick" play out in their heads.

I have been assulted in a bar, threatened outside my apartment, "outed" to everyone within shouting distance, and stalked. I simply don't want to test those waters any more. It's one of those priveliges that my non-trans sisters have - the ability to have a relationship form mutual interests, attraction, communication, and happenstance.

It isn't like I hide the fact that I'm trans. Everyone close to me knows. If there is an issue or a snyde comment made about trans*people, I speak up. I'm comfortable being "out there" - on MY terms. Having a suitor who isn't up to speed from the start potentially removes MY control over MY environment, thus infringing on MY safety.

It stinks because there is this cute and quiet guy at work who keeps giving me these shy little smiles. He "happened" to have gotten an extra coffee from Starbucks that just "happened" to be one of my favorite flavors and gave it to me. So I go through my day pointedly ignoring his rather charming little self (and some others as well). The double-stuff of the suck is... well.. I GET how he feels. I've been there, I *could* be the cool gal who sees this and appreciates him. Instead, my own hard-won fear and dread of that look that happens when the guy isn't expecting the big (or not so big *laf*) news.

13 Years Ago - Tyra Hunter

http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2007/08/trya-hunter-anniversary.html

For those who don't want to read the linked article from Monica Roberts, yesterday marked the 12 anniversary of the death of Tyra Hunter. Unlike the death of Angie Zapata reported earlier this month, Ms Hunter's death was not due to the actions of one man, but rather the INACTION of a group of people.

Ms Hunter was a transwoman of color in Washington DC who was involved as a passenger in a auto accident. When the emergency responders arrived and removed Tyra and the driver it was discovered that Ms Hunter was, in fact a Transwoman. Rather than giving her emergency care that her wounds needed, one Adrian Williams proceeded to make comments about Ms Hunter's sex and race "This bitch ain't no girl...It's a nigger, he got a dick."

Mr Williams stopped working to joke about the semi-aware Hunter rather than provide the emergency care required. It wasn't until the gathering crowed urged him to take action that any attempt was made to save her life. But this wasn't the end of Ms Hunter's abuse. A doctor at DC General *REFUSED* - yes R E F U S E D to treat her. She died 13 years ago yesterday.


Again we see someone referring to a transgendered person as "it" a pronoun reserved for objects. Farmers, even, refer to cattle by their sex and they PLAN on killing them. By making transpeople "it"s they can comfortably deny our humanity and our dignity. They can absolve themselves of any and all abuses - and society allows them.

One final note - Mr Williams was eventually promoted on his job as an emergency caregiver.

ANGIE ZAPATA.

So I have taken some time to sit with this and to do some research. Everything we know comes from the murderer, and I frankly don't believe much of his story. He has every reason to make stuff up to paint himself as a victim in some sort of twisted version of victimization.

First he and Angie meet online and go on a date. She picks him up and they eventually go back to her place and have sex. According to him, she doesn't get naked and won't allow him to touch her sexually while she performs oral sex on him. The next day she leaves and he is alone in her apartment where he finds some photos that cause him to question her sex. He confronts her and she says "I am all woman". Then he grabs her crotch and feels a penis and murder happens. THEN he grabs her keys and purse and flees. There is some question about the location of her purse (I think some questions about the use of Angie's sister's credit card that tie into the case).

Now - lets assume he is telling the truth. He still sexually assaulted Angie when he grabbed her crotch. At what point is it OK to grab someone there AFTER they specifically told you NO the previous night? Past sexual intimacy does NOT give one any rights to access to an other's body.

If Angie WAS in the habit of fooling guys, then she would not have any questionable photos where her "dupe" could find them. Much less leave him alone in her place where he could go looking for them.

My own thoughts on this are that he knew full well she was trans. Every pre/non op gal I know is going to tell their status before being sexually active. For the very reasons this article is being written - we get KILLED! There is also the issue of the photos. A stealth gal isn't going to have them about. A gal trying to deceive someone isn't going to have them out.

What I'm trying to puzzle out is if he violently freaked out after the act, or if this was planned.