TODR - Why I'm Pissed

Yesterday was the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Most every person who reads this will be aware of the TODR and written about it or read something powerful about it. I have always had a link to the Remembering Our Dead site because it's that damn important to me.

I'm angry because we are still being killed. I am angry that our murders don't get solved. I am angry that the G the L and the B pay token attention to our issues.

But that's not why I'm PISSED. I'm PISSED because our lives are still erased by the media. Our names are written "IN QUOTES" like a nickname. We are "gay men" who "dressed as women". Our lives, our humanity, our identity is constantly questioned by cis-sexual society to the point we get no relief even in death. When we are murdered, we are somehow partly to blame.

The men who "admire" us are oddly absent at a TDOR. Our lives are only as valuable as their next orgasm. We are only allowed to be the sexy silly dolls of their little fantasy land. When the lights come on and their dreams are over, they are absent, silent, afraid.

At the end of the last TDOR I spoke to a couple friends about safety. I found out that the number of Trans*women I personally know who have been assaulted sexually is 100%. Yup ALL of us every age, every occupation, every socio-economic class. Most of us have been hit or threatened with violence by an intimate partner. Half of us have had our status as Trans* used as ammunition to coerce us into staying in a relationship, or not reporting violence.

I want to have an answer, and mostly I'm pissed that I don't.

A Little Fib

I was talking on yahoo Im with a friend a couple days ago. He insisted that I must have scores of guys in my daily life hitting on me. I told him that I was pretty painfully oblivious to that sort of thing.

This was not true.

I am aware of the not-so-subtle subtle ways guys try to get attention from the women they meet. The truth of the matter is, I flatly ignore it. Not because I'm vain or anything like that. It is simply safer that way. While I may be openly Trans, I'm also not wearing a sign. If it comes up, it comes up. I prefer organic disclosure.

The thing is, the revelation of my Trans status has one of two results in my history. 1) Someone who minutes ago was handing me his phone number or awkwardly asking me for coffee suddenly feels deceived and within his rights to be insulting, demeaning, or downright violent. 2) They get a really creepy look in their eyes as all the fantasy images of a "Chick with a Dick" play out in their heads.

I have been assulted in a bar, threatened outside my apartment, "outed" to everyone within shouting distance, and stalked. I simply don't want to test those waters any more. It's one of those priveliges that my non-trans sisters have - the ability to have a relationship form mutual interests, attraction, communication, and happenstance.

It isn't like I hide the fact that I'm trans. Everyone close to me knows. If there is an issue or a snyde comment made about trans*people, I speak up. I'm comfortable being "out there" - on MY terms. Having a suitor who isn't up to speed from the start potentially removes MY control over MY environment, thus infringing on MY safety.

It stinks because there is this cute and quiet guy at work who keeps giving me these shy little smiles. He "happened" to have gotten an extra coffee from Starbucks that just "happened" to be one of my favorite flavors and gave it to me. So I go through my day pointedly ignoring his rather charming little self (and some others as well). The double-stuff of the suck is... well.. I GET how he feels. I've been there, I *could* be the cool gal who sees this and appreciates him. Instead, my own hard-won fear and dread of that look that happens when the guy isn't expecting the big (or not so big *laf*) news.

13 Years Ago - Tyra Hunter

http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2007/08/trya-hunter-anniversary.html

For those who don't want to read the linked article from Monica Roberts, yesterday marked the 12 anniversary of the death of Tyra Hunter. Unlike the death of Angie Zapata reported earlier this month, Ms Hunter's death was not due to the actions of one man, but rather the INACTION of a group of people.

Ms Hunter was a transwoman of color in Washington DC who was involved as a passenger in a auto accident. When the emergency responders arrived and removed Tyra and the driver it was discovered that Ms Hunter was, in fact a Transwoman. Rather than giving her emergency care that her wounds needed, one Adrian Williams proceeded to make comments about Ms Hunter's sex and race "This bitch ain't no girl...It's a nigger, he got a dick."

Mr Williams stopped working to joke about the semi-aware Hunter rather than provide the emergency care required. It wasn't until the gathering crowed urged him to take action that any attempt was made to save her life. But this wasn't the end of Ms Hunter's abuse. A doctor at DC General *REFUSED* - yes R E F U S E D to treat her. She died 13 years ago yesterday.


Again we see someone referring to a transgendered person as "it" a pronoun reserved for objects. Farmers, even, refer to cattle by their sex and they PLAN on killing them. By making transpeople "it"s they can comfortably deny our humanity and our dignity. They can absolve themselves of any and all abuses - and society allows them.

One final note - Mr Williams was eventually promoted on his job as an emergency caregiver.