Yesterday was the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Most every person who reads this will be aware of the TODR and written about it or read something powerful about it. I have always had a link to the Remembering Our Dead site because it's that damn important to me.
I'm angry because we are still being killed. I am angry that our murders don't get solved. I am angry that the G the L and the B pay token attention to our issues.
But that's not why I'm PISSED. I'm PISSED because our lives are still erased by the media. Our names are written "IN QUOTES" like a nickname. We are "gay men" who "dressed as women". Our lives, our humanity, our identity is constantly questioned by cis-sexual society to the point we get no relief even in death. When we are murdered, we are somehow partly to blame.
The men who "admire" us are oddly absent at a TDOR. Our lives are only as valuable as their next orgasm. We are only allowed to be the sexy silly dolls of their little fantasy land. When the lights come on and their dreams are over, they are absent, silent, afraid.
At the end of the last TDOR I spoke to a couple friends about safety. I found out that the number of Trans*women I personally know who have been assaulted sexually is 100%. Yup ALL of us every age, every occupation, every socio-economic class. Most of us have been hit or threatened with violence by an intimate partner. Half of us have had our status as Trans* used as ammunition to coerce us into staying in a relationship, or not reporting violence.
I want to have an answer, and mostly I'm pissed that I don't.
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4 comments:
I'm far out of the loop currently. I'm lucky if I can remember what day of the week it is. And yet I know of what you write. I have seen violence against TG men and women and like any person in an abusive relationship they refuse to press charges out of fear. Only in their case the fear isn't of being hurt worse, it of being "outed", "ostracized", "humiliated" and other things. I don't consider myself to be an "Admirer" but as a friend. I have dated several transwomen, and was seriously starting to fall for one when she decided a number of issues with our relationship were too much. However we are still friends and if ANYONE tried to hurt her or take advantage of her, I will be there for her in a second. Many admirers I have met, all had the same thought pattern in my opinion. They wanted a sexy thing to be on their arm and be at their beck and call, but treated them with less respect than they would a pet.copa
Well you are right with what you wrote and you have the right to be pissed off. You and all the girls (I mean T-Girls) have the rights as any other human being on earth.
You are not "Gay Men" who "likes to dress like Women". You are a women as far as I am concerned and I don't think right are just for a category of humans, it's for all of us.
Concerning TDOR, I saw the links you posted about the people who got killed just for the fact that they were either Transgendered or Crossdressers or Living with a Transgendered. The one that touched me the most is the 15 years old kid. I mean what kind of kids are we raising these days when we see a 14 or 15 years old committing a crime for no reason.
What makes more and I think you too more furious is the sentences the murderers are getting. One only got 6 years for manslaughter what the heck. This murderer killed another person purposefully and they manager to get away with it. I think this is encouraging these murderers even more.
I would've went to this TDOR but I am not based in the USA and as I said somewhere else (you know where), I prayed for those victims. People who care for you will always be there for you no matter what and they won't have a problem to die for you if they love you, but believe me, such people are hard to find these days and it goes for all people not just guys. True friends are always there for you, including your lover because if your lover is not your best friend then he/she are not worth being with you.
The answer for you is simple. When people find you are different from them they will fight you until you put their nose in dirt and make them understand that although you are different from them by the look but you are also a human being and have the same right as them. My hair used to be long and like guys who listen to megadeath lol, people used to look at me in an unpleasant way and I used to put my head down and keep moving but then I took things in my own hand when people looked at me, I looked at them back in the eye so now they put their heads down. When you start taking things in your hand, everyone will follow.
I love you guys who are the exceptions - I honestly really do!!
Mark- you absolutely do hit the nail on the head - often our fear of being "outed" keeps us in abusive relationships.
Lebguy- You make a good point, that not fitting into "correct" gendered expression is often see as a challenge to society. It isn't JUST as Trans* issue, but we sure are the brunt of so much of it.
In my mind, I've always been an ally to the transgender community, but I'm finally starting to act like one. I was in West Hollywood this year for my first TDOR. I listened intently to the speakers at Plummer Park. I marched in the street holding my candle. I became friends with a transgender man. I attended a screening of Ma Vie En Rose with many others in the community. I spoke without fear on video and used my own name. I sat at a restaurant table with wonderful transgender women afterward to have dinner, drinks, and even sing karaoke. I met with Ashley Love, an activist and advocate in the transgender community, to work with her on graphics for her YouTube channel.
I don't want recognition from you for starting to do these simple things . . .
I just wanted to apologize that it took me so long to get here.
Thank you for what you're doing.
Mike Conger
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