I read Questioning Transphobia regularly. I have to say Lisa Harney is one of my idols, along with RiftGirl they were the unwitting kick in the pants I needed to start this little blog (along with other groovy friends who told both of us we needed to talk less and write more).
Anyway, a recent shit storm on the F Word blog is documented and commented on QT.
http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/
This reminded me of some conversations I have had with long time Lesbian Feminist friends of mine. A few things keep comming up when talking with my friends and also talking with RadFems on the Internt that I would like to discuss.
1) You can be a "different kind of man (woman)".
This assumes I didn't actually TRY that - for YEARS.. and YEARS.
2) "I wasn't comfortable being a 'girl' growing up, but through soul-searching and really processing my feelings and society's demands on women I was able to be comfortable as a butch lesbian who loves her female body."
This one REALLY stinks. It stinks to the highest heaven. It centers a Trans* person's life on the cis-gendered person's experience of comming to terms with their own non-conforming gender expression. It further claims that what's good enough for them is good enough for me. It assumes, again, that I didn't Try that for YEARS..and YEARS.
3) "In MY world there would be no gender, so no need to transition. Everyone could dress and act the way they pleased."
Awesome.. I wanna live there too. Except.. well, I would still be transitioning. See it isn't about clothes, or hair, or shaving, or makeup. I did all that yummy goodness as a BIG OLE SISSY boy. The thing is - I UNDERSTOOD myself, from as early as I can remember, as being a girl. There is nothing more to say because there isn't language to express it. The affectations of "feminity" are just that - props to be used or discarded at my whim. The UNDERSTANDING is not the same as a desire to put on mum's shoes.
4) "There is so much pressure to transition. It's like if you don't feel enough like a guy or a gal you should transition."
My assumption from this is the pressure is comming from within the Trans* community. I haven't seen it. Quite the opposite actually. When I was first seriously questioning transition every Trans*woman I met was quick to point out that being a Drag Queen, or a Cross Dresser, or a sissy guy was valid and perfectly OK.
If the pressure is supposed to be somming from society - WHAT??!! Let me say without hesitation - me being seen as a shy sissified gay boy was so much easier than being seen as Trans. Night and day - seriously.
Also, the underlying theme here is that transitioning is somehow easier than being non-conforming to one's birth sex. That Trans* folks are taking the path of least resistance. Again I'll say from where I sit, it was a hell of alot easier to be a fey man than a tranny.
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7 comments:
I'm actually trying to get started on a post about this exact subject.
It was prompted by the ways cis people approach trans people as if they're saving us from transitioning somehow, as if they think transitioning is a prison rather than a liberating experience. There's an almost colonial attitude that we're gender primitives, trapped in neolithic attitudes as to what makes a man and a woman, and if only we'd let them in, they'd show us that we didn't have to transition, that we could be happy with the bodies we're "born with."
A lot of this came up on Feministing recently.
Write, write write more! I look at ur blog regularly and it has been SIX days since you have last posted! C'mon girls! Shake up your lazy bones!
~ssm
Lisa.. my golly.. I hadn't actually put it together in that way. You are right though, it IS asif our "saviors" treat us like we haven't rally thought about gender issues, and if we would only allow them to enlighten us like the Spanish Missionaries of yore, then we too could be saved from ourselves...
So, you're saying they've adopted a missionary position with you?
Yeah, pretty much.
I'm hesitant to go too far with the colonial metaphors, even though colonialism was what actually gave me the idea. Colonialism has a real, brutal meaning that I don't want to appropriate, even though I screwed up and used it in my first comment.
I had a long reply written out about it, but the internet ate it. So... I'll try to get that post done tonight, because I think I finally found how I want to say it.
Well hey, we're naive and they're enlightened. Please, quote me some theory about how my life is illegitimate, that's terribly helpful.
I absolutely agree that it's easier to be a fey man than a trans woman. I think maybe it leaves more things untroubled - name, pronouns, legal status etc etc.
The pressure to transition thing is just fucking hilarious.
People who wanted me to transition - 0, people who didn't - everyone.
Emily - you are right.. and welcome to the board *grin*. For me I had absolute support to be as fey/sissy/nellie/camp/etc as I wanted to be. In transition.. while I do have some support, and I'm thankful to my friends to are and have supported me through the whole thing. The support from some quarters is strained or gone completely.
We function in a society that tells us you can't go from A to Z *PERIOD*. So how am I supposed to believe that there is some sort of pressure to transition??
Unless, like our fundie Xtians friends, RadFems view anything supportive of transitioning, positive about transitioning, or even scientifically neutral about transitioning tantamount to "pressure to transition". Like those Queer Youth groups that pressure kids to go gay, or sex ed that teaches facts about sexuality and STDs..
Cripes!!! maybe RadRems really are taking notes from the RR.
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