The Cowards We Date

This thought has been rumbling around in my mind since November. The observation of the TODR was covered, obviously, by the online Trans* communities. The Feminist and Gay/Lesbian bloggers were also very active, and also with reporting the stories memorialized on that day.

Where are the "Admirers"? Where were the guys who objectify bodies like mine? Where were the guys who make money off of bodies like mine? Where were the guys who love/date/fuck/lust after gals like me? To the best of my knowledge, they were silent - quiet while they "hunted" or cashed their checks.

Men are willing to go online to cry about how gawd aweful it would be if their friends found out, they are willing to make "Shemale" porn quite profitable, they are more than happy to reduce me and mine to the sum total of our parts. But when one of us is harmed, we can't count on them - they evaporate like fog by mid-day.

Once again a friend of mine is sexually assulted by a man she thought was "swell". Once again someone I know is afraid of how the authorities will react, so she is silent and ashamed. Once again, the firs reaction from people who know is to ask if the guy knew her status (because we all know that Trans*women love to pull that surprise *rolleyes*). No man will ever help us, they have too much invested in keeping us a dirty secret.

Is it merely a coincidence that the volume of those suffering from trannyism are WHITE STRAIGHT MIDDLE CLASS MEN???? That the trannyism disorder is an identity disorder grown out of the "special snowflake syndrome"??? Why among the GLBT is the trans group the only group that primarily consists of heteropatriarchal middle/upper middle class white males??? Where are all the poor minority gay men with this disorder? Where are the numbers of minority females with this disorder? Could it be that this is a disorder of race and class? That most who cannot afford (non wealthy hetero whites) this disorder will likely never develop it???

I've personally witnessed infighting within various trans communities of what exactly constitutes as trans by trans. Have seen with my own eyes men telling other men who IDed as trans-women but stated they couldnt afford to begin "medically transitioning" that they were in fact NOT trans until they have electrolysis/female hormones/SRS/FSS etc! Bascially declaring if you cannot afford to "transition" you cannot in effect BE trans! And like everything else in our patriarchal society the majority those who have most of the power and money are WHITE HETEROPATRIARCHAL MALES! So should we be surprised at all that highest number of trans ID'd are WHITE HETEROPATRIARCHAL MIDDLE CLASS MALES???? I think not

!

This was posted on the MWMF board recently. I have promised that I wouldn't post there any more, so I'm not addressing it there.

I would, however, like to make an observation. Where does this white woman get off erasing trans*women from Mexico to Argentina? What about the Hijra and Kathoey in India and Thailand? The Two-Spirit Native Americans? All the other Trans* women from all over the world who are not white, not European. How about the Trans*women of all ethnic origins who are not close to being Middle-Class? Could it be that she is looking at Trans* through a window of privilege - namely those Trans* who have access to the Internet?

I would like to point out that she does, actually, bring up a valid point about various trans* communities. There is a level of elitism expressed. The ones who can afford SRS questioning the identity of ones who cannot. Her observations are viewed through a cis lens and that lens has warped and distorted the discussions. Removing the influence of the gatekeeper medical establishment who have a vested interest in making SRS not just an option, but THE goal for Trans*.

Before taking to task white, middle-class Trans* - perhaps she should check her own racist assumptions about Teh Tranz. Perhaps she should view the economic and social realities of trans* folks of color.

TODR - Why I'm Pissed

Yesterday was the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Most every person who reads this will be aware of the TODR and written about it or read something powerful about it. I have always had a link to the Remembering Our Dead site because it's that damn important to me.

I'm angry because we are still being killed. I am angry that our murders don't get solved. I am angry that the G the L and the B pay token attention to our issues.

But that's not why I'm PISSED. I'm PISSED because our lives are still erased by the media. Our names are written "IN QUOTES" like a nickname. We are "gay men" who "dressed as women". Our lives, our humanity, our identity is constantly questioned by cis-sexual society to the point we get no relief even in death. When we are murdered, we are somehow partly to blame.

The men who "admire" us are oddly absent at a TDOR. Our lives are only as valuable as their next orgasm. We are only allowed to be the sexy silly dolls of their little fantasy land. When the lights come on and their dreams are over, they are absent, silent, afraid.

At the end of the last TDOR I spoke to a couple friends about safety. I found out that the number of Trans*women I personally know who have been assaulted sexually is 100%. Yup ALL of us every age, every occupation, every socio-economic class. Most of us have been hit or threatened with violence by an intimate partner. Half of us have had our status as Trans* used as ammunition to coerce us into staying in a relationship, or not reporting violence.

I want to have an answer, and mostly I'm pissed that I don't.

Awesome blog Repost

http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/transphobic-tropes-5-the-man-in-a-dressstealthy-deceiver-double-bind

The link above is to a post by queenemily posted on Questioning Transphobia. In it she clearly points out the double bind that I face almost daily, particularly when dealing with dating. Guys who have seen my pictures online have
"complimented" me by telling me that I "could have fooled them (into thinking I was bio-female)". Guys who have decided to stop seeing me have pointed out, inflated, and used any perceived "male" features, interests, behaviors or opinions to question my validity as both a woman and partner. It bears mentioning that these same guys are taken by how well I "pass" until they get tired of their walk on the wild side - then my status becomes both insult and insurance that they aren't being jerks

It's NOT about the Damn Dress

Why do RadFem discussions regarding Trans*women INSIST on talking about "gendered behaviors"? I'm reading the MWMF board and following a thread about "Gender as Social Construct". Feel free to visit, but it pisses me off to read it, so I wouldn't actually want to direct anyone there.

In that topic, we are treated to first a pretty classic definition of Gender vs. Sex, and then m Andrea - BLAMES Trans* for developing and using the idea of constructed gender as a means to validate transitioning. WTF! It was you friendly neighborhood RadFem who throws around that stuff to INVALIDATE transitioning.

It further goes on to talk about how in Feminist utopia where boys can play with dolls and girls can wear blue there would be no need for teh tranz because we would be loved and comforted with who we are and love and be comfortable with our bodies and our social roles.

Here is a fragging news flash! Dolls suck! Dresses are pretty shitty things to wear! pink is ugly (and sooo washes out my skin)! In short, as an adult operating as a man I had the agency to wear pink if I liked, to play with dolls, to slip into a skirt, to partake in the affectations associated with women. I did and I didn't as I pleased. I lived in the post-gender utopia as much as I could and it WASN'T CORRECT.

When a Trans* woman says she "always felt like a girl" take her on that, don't add "because I liked Barbie". If a Trans*woman says "I connected with and related to women more" let your brain stop there, don't read any desire for makeup tips or fashion advice.

If I never wear a dress again, I think I'll live.

My golly it's been some time

OK, so I'm totally at lunch at the new job. Yeah that's right a new job.... gooooo me! Thank the Gods for my friends. After far too long looking for work, I was able to get a super job at a great company. In traditional "friend of a friend need someone" styles, my pal called me and gave me a tip to an old co-worker who was looking for someone.

I was in training for the past week, so today is the start of the actual job - woo! The commute sucks ass (about 2 hours each way) but the office is, oddly, worth it. It's a smallish company, so everyone kinda knows everyone. The management is available, the benefits and pay are fair (OK who am I kidding, I pinched myself when I heard what my starting wage would be).

I'll be writing for the company, trying to strengthen their web community, and looking at customer service issues from a customer/client's perspective. So, it's a little bit bloggin', a little bit marketing, a little bit customer service, a little bit rock n' roll. Also, there is a nice level of vagueness as to what I'm actually supposed to do that would drive more anal-retentive people crazy. My job is kinda undefined, new, dynamic, and open to change - much like I am *wink*.

I hope that after the actual adjustment happens, and I get into some sort of routine, I will post more.. I mean tons of stuff going on that I have been wanting to talk about. Angie Zapata's murder trial has some news, Sarah Palin is making me cry (not why you may think), and dates are still going crappy for us and our friends.

Busy Gals - and a random thought

Both of us are in the middle of some job hunting, so we haven't been keeping this place as active as we planned. Wish us some collective luck.

Random thought that happened while writing this. A trans*woman is treated as a woman unless she gets read as trans. Then she becomes a REALLY gay man. If she has a history of attraction to men, that becomes the familliar combination of sexism and homophobia. If a Trans*woman is attracted to women, she is treated as a woman (sexism) and a lesbian (homo/lesbophobia), but if she is read as trans, then she ALSO becomes a REALLY gay man. It seems that my lesbian/bi trans-sisters have a complimentary double-dip in the icecream parlour of social stigma.

TransMen and Lesbian space

By now it shouldn't be a surprise that I follow some discussions online regarding Women's Space and Trans* inclusion. Mostly at this point as an observer, since in many of those spaces my voice isn't particularly welcome and well.. I know when to shut up.

One thing that keeps comming up is F2M inclusion in women's and specifically Lesbian spaces/events. My first reaction is a rather plain.. "What The...??!!" I mean these are guys, dudes, teh menz, boys, fellas. Why would they be invited to participate or even feel welcome to be involved in "Women's Spaces"?

I'll start off stating that my interactions with Trans*men is mostly from within the gay male community. Gay guys who were born female-bodied. These guys are not involved with, nor particularly want to participate in, women's space. They also never had a Lesbian identity. The few guys I know who transitioned from lesbian-identified women to men also left the Lesbian community for the greater GLBT.

I was surprised to hear and read about men assuming a place within women's space. When I heard their reasonings as "I don't feel 'totally male'" it suddenly makes some messages from Feminists click in my head. It Trans* guys don't feel "totally male" then Trans* women must not feel "totally female". Thus, Trans*women aren't "real" women - a boy in a dress.

So I sit on these feelings. I read from Trans Men and I try to process. It is simply too convenient to shovel all the anti-trans sentiment among some Feminist communities onto the guys. "If those pesky boys would just move out, there would be space for me."

If someone who identifies as Lesbian, has a partner, feels the need to transition, keeps the relationship with the female partner - that really complicates stuff. Particularly if the partner strongly self-identifies as Lesbian. Her identity surely should not be compromised by her partner's need to transition. So, in a way the TransMan isn't "totally male" since a "totally male" person in a relationship is never in a Lesbian relationship.

There is also the notion of community and laving a place of comfort and safety. By virtue of need, Feminists and particularly Lesbians have built a community. Started businesses, support groups, publishing houses, networks. This is hard to leave. Despite the recommendations of places like The Clarke Institute and other Gender Gatekeepers, leaving friends and relationships simply because one transitions can't be healthy. It should be difficult for someone who "came out" to a supporting community and developed an identity to up and leave.

I'd like there to be an answer. But so far, I really see all sorts of angles. Ultimately, I think Trans*Men should self-select out of Lesbian and Women's spaces, just as Trans*Women should be able to self-select in. Then again, I could just be having a PostModern Dream.

More Gender Discussion

As stated earlier, for some reason my awareness was always directed towards females in a way that was not true for my brothers. Men were "other" and while I received conditioning and socialization as a male, I also watched and learned and internalized female socialization.

Socialization that I sometimes needed Feminism to disect and process and ultimately try to change. As an adult, I found I had given myself very little agency in my life. Saying "no" was hard, particularly with men. Determining my own sexual and romantic needs and desires was (and still is) often impossible. Putting my needs before another's is still second nature.

In adulthood, my housemates were always women, mostly Lesbian women and always Feminists. We were all very politically active centering on GLBT, Women's, and Anti-Racist issues. I bring this up to offer another example of that *something* that understanding, that thing that hasn't a name yet. I GOT sexism, I saw it, I understood it, I could feel it. It was that way that boys and men acted that made me feel like I didn't belong. It was those comments they made and the way they looked at women that made me uncomfortable. It wasn't a political theory, or a social critique - it was the name of a very real part of my internal conflict.

This was in marked contrast with how I came to understand race and class issues. Comming from a place of relative privelege, I wasn't aware of how I contributed to raceism or classism. Thankfully I usually had the sense to shut up and listen when POCs would talk about Race. I accepted what they said as, at the very least, their truth. However there was a probably common period where I just really didn't "get it". I had to unlearn and examine myself in light of race and class opression.

I'm not saying I didn't have male privelege or use it. I'm also not saying that I had a childhood like a girl has a childhood. What I am saying it I saw my childhood and processed all the information I was given in a way that made "woman" the normal and "man" the other thing that wasn't safe and wasn't particularly important (except for being cute). Unlike my Raceism, which was the invisible unseen unchallenged "way things are".

My use of race and raceism isn't intended to compare opressions. Rather, I hope to show how a Trans* identity can filter social messages by using an example of social messages about race/class that were (unfortunately) more traditionally filtered and processed and challenged.

I have no idea if other Trans* people have anything like this. I am simply stating how I understand my childhood.

A Little Fib

I was talking on yahoo Im with a friend a couple days ago. He insisted that I must have scores of guys in my daily life hitting on me. I told him that I was pretty painfully oblivious to that sort of thing.

This was not true.

I am aware of the not-so-subtle subtle ways guys try to get attention from the women they meet. The truth of the matter is, I flatly ignore it. Not because I'm vain or anything like that. It is simply safer that way. While I may be openly Trans, I'm also not wearing a sign. If it comes up, it comes up. I prefer organic disclosure.

The thing is, the revelation of my Trans status has one of two results in my history. 1) Someone who minutes ago was handing me his phone number or awkwardly asking me for coffee suddenly feels deceived and within his rights to be insulting, demeaning, or downright violent. 2) They get a really creepy look in their eyes as all the fantasy images of a "Chick with a Dick" play out in their heads.

I have been assulted in a bar, threatened outside my apartment, "outed" to everyone within shouting distance, and stalked. I simply don't want to test those waters any more. It's one of those priveliges that my non-trans sisters have - the ability to have a relationship form mutual interests, attraction, communication, and happenstance.

It isn't like I hide the fact that I'm trans. Everyone close to me knows. If there is an issue or a snyde comment made about trans*people, I speak up. I'm comfortable being "out there" - on MY terms. Having a suitor who isn't up to speed from the start potentially removes MY control over MY environment, thus infringing on MY safety.

It stinks because there is this cute and quiet guy at work who keeps giving me these shy little smiles. He "happened" to have gotten an extra coffee from Starbucks that just "happened" to be one of my favorite flavors and gave it to me. So I go through my day pointedly ignoring his rather charming little self (and some others as well). The double-stuff of the suck is... well.. I GET how he feels. I've been there, I *could* be the cool gal who sees this and appreciates him. Instead, my own hard-won fear and dread of that look that happens when the guy isn't expecting the big (or not so big *laf*) news.

Dating..the other Privilege

There are lots and lots of discussions around Blogdonia discussion various privileges that cis (non-trans) people have. Things that are so often taken for granted like having all of one's documentation match, being able to travel without being flagged as a potential terrorist, being able to get timely medical care (Tyra Hunter).. and on and on.. All very important issues. Critical issues in every case.

However, one thing that gets overlooked is forming relationships. Cis folks have the luxury of forming organic relationships. They can meet someone at work or a party, hit it off, exchange numbers and go out. This is becomming so painfully clear to me because I'm single

Friendly Blog Promotion

A cool friend of mine started his own blog:

http://www.hotoffthevine.blogspot.com/

He's a really swell, funny, creative, charming, groovy kinda guy. He has even promised to actually show up for a date if I ever find myself in LA !!!

Discussing Gender

I want to discuss gender. I want to discuss this from a place of questioning and experience, rather than a place of opression and theory. While both theory and opression are important to the discussion of gender, too often gendered experiences are dismissed (particularly when he experience comes from a trans* person).

One thing I'd like to talk about are some of my earliest understandings. It is important to understand how children learn about the world. Children learn through instruction, but mostly it is through observation. Most children will pay close attention to adults who closely match their sex. Boy children will learn how to be a man by watching the men in their life - thus you have generational abusers who may have been instructed not to hit women, but observed men hitting women.

As far back as I can remember, my observations have always been of the women in my life. The men were simply not that important or interesting. If a book, movie or TV show didn't have a compelling female character, I was not interested. I watched and learned how to be an adult by watching my mother, grandmothers, aunts, and to a lesser extent televison (good thing mom was a pretty right-on woman, because the tv women back in the day were often pretty poor role models).

I was aware of inequality in the work my mother performed (she was a stay-at-home parent) and my father (construction). Unequal as far as how their individual contributions were regarded. I was, and have always been, very aware of sexist comments, because those comments didn't reflect ME or the women I knew - not because "mamma raised me right" (although she didn't do a bad job either).

When I say "I always knew I was a girl". I am NOT saying "I liked to play with dolls" or "I wore momma's heals when she wasn't looking." What I am saying is for SOME reason, I took all my social cues from the women around me, even when cues by males were equally available. MEN were the "other" in my life as a child before elementary school. I had a close relationship with my father until I came out (first as gay, then trans) so it isn't like we had a strained relationship, or he was absent from my life. I just didn't relate to him as a model for who I was to become as an adult.

I'd like to take and expand on this from time to time, because I think there really is SOMETHING to gender. Part of the problem with discussing Trans issues is a shared understanding of gender, but no convenient language to talk about it.

I got to Thinking

I read Questioning Transphobia regularly. I have to say Lisa Harney is one of my idols, along with RiftGirl they were the unwitting kick in the pants I needed to start this little blog (along with other groovy friends who told both of us we needed to talk less and write more).

Anyway, a recent shit storm on the F Word blog is documented and commented on QT.

http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/

This reminded me of some conversations I have had with long time Lesbian Feminist friends of mine. A few things keep comming up when talking with my friends and also talking with RadFems on the Internt that I would like to discuss.

1) You can be a "different kind of man (woman)".

This assumes I didn't actually TRY that - for YEARS.. and YEARS.

2) "I wasn't comfortable being a 'girl' growing up, but through soul-searching and really processing my feelings and society's demands on women I was able to be comfortable as a butch lesbian who loves her female body."

This one REALLY stinks. It stinks to the highest heaven. It centers a Trans* person's life on the cis-gendered person's experience of comming to terms with their own non-conforming gender expression. It further claims that what's good enough for them is good enough for me. It assumes, again, that I didn't Try that for YEARS..and YEARS.

3) "In MY world there would be no gender, so no need to transition. Everyone could dress and act the way they pleased."

Awesome.. I wanna live there too. Except.. well, I would still be transitioning. See it isn't about clothes, or hair, or shaving, or makeup. I did all that yummy goodness as a BIG OLE SISSY boy. The thing is - I UNDERSTOOD myself, from as early as I can remember, as being a girl. There is nothing more to say because there isn't language to express it. The affectations of "feminity" are just that - props to be used or discarded at my whim. The UNDERSTANDING is not the same as a desire to put on mum's shoes.

4) "There is so much pressure to transition. It's like if you don't feel enough like a guy or a gal you should transition."

My assumption from this is the pressure is comming from within the Trans* community. I haven't seen it. Quite the opposite actually. When I was first seriously questioning transition every Trans*woman I met was quick to point out that being a Drag Queen, or a Cross Dresser, or a sissy guy was valid and perfectly OK.

If the pressure is supposed to be somming from society - WHAT??!! Let me say without hesitation - me being seen as a shy sissified gay boy was so much easier than being seen as Trans. Night and day - seriously.

Also, the underlying theme here is that transitioning is somehow easier than being non-conforming to one's birth sex. That Trans* folks are taking the path of least resistance. Again I'll say from where I sit, it was a hell of alot easier to be a fey man than a tranny.

Reality Trannies Update

From the evah lovely RiftGirl Blog:

http://beingt.blogspot.com/2008/08/ian-drew-is-not-ass-methinks-now.html

She spoke with Ian Drew from US Weekly and had, what seems, a very swell conversation. That Rifty.. such a great gal!!!

Reality Trannies!

If you haven't heard, we are going to have a couple Trans women on reality TV. Now, this isn't exactly new as there have been a few scattered about here and there - particularly in the UK.

I'm talking about the coming season of "America's Next Top Model" featuring Isis. She's the first trans contestant on the show ad already there has been some controversy. It seems that Fox News' Gregg Jarrett and US Weekly's Editor-at-Large, Ian Drew had a few "choice" and inappropriate comments to make Isis and her exclusive interview with US Weekly.

From GLADD's website complete with video:

http://glaadorg.nexcess.net/cinequeer/2008/08/offensive-fox-news-segment-on.html

The other show is currently showing on VH1. "Work for Diddy" is like the "Apprentice", but for Sean "Puffy" Combs. Laverne Cox, who was also involved in the Trans* Docu-series "Being T", is in the running to be Mr Combs' new personal assistant.

Personally, I'm pretty hot and cold about reality TV. I either get REALLY into a show (Project Runway) or I have no time for it (most of the rest). While I hope both of them do well, I'm really rooting for Ms Cox. There is something about making it as the personal assistant to one of the most dynamic and powerful men in any industry. Mr. Combs also has a VERY positive relationship with GLBTQs. He has never had a negative thing to say about gays (unlike the majority of his Hip Hop pals), no nasty lyrics, no slurs, nuffin! He also hires and give important powerful positions to openly queer people. Winning this could send a powerful message to trans* women, particularly trans women of color, who are disproportionately represented in sex work and targets of violence.

Not to be dismissive about ANTM, but.... well .... I remember YEARS ago reading about the number of "men" who did runway and print modeling as women. There is something very tranny about the body-type of models: small breasts, narrow hips, tall, long arms. I stopped counting the number of Trans women in my circle of friends who work or have worked in that industry. Even one of the rioTgirls was briefly a model.

Like I said, both of these women have the ability to be a positive role model. Both of these women are of color. Both of these women are strong and smart and bring lots to the table. I just think being Diddy's assistant would be a HUGE win for trans women. Also, let's face it, it would be a freaking DREAM for Laverne Cox to win - that would be some serious resume padding!!!

Goodnight Sweet Prince

I know I'm late. I have this pesky aversion to jumping on bandwagons. I only recently started to read Harry Potter for example. So, back in tha day when EVERYONE was reading Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" I avoided it like the plague, and read all my "Captain Carrot and the Amazing Zoo Crew" books. OK, not really, but I sure as heck wasn't reading that Sandman - no matter how much people said they loved it, or how much those "insiders" said it was redefining the industry. Nope, not me.

I finally broke down some months ago and picked up the first trade graphic novel thingy and promptly kicked myself in the ass. Why did I wait YEARS to read this sublime exploration of universal archtypes? Now I'm at the end, I have completed "The Wake" and it's done.. no more.. and I am satisfied.

The last couple story arc's weren't quite as good as the first, but still some of the best I have ever read. I mean, how can one top the Diner Scene will Dr John Dee (Dr Destiny). That was some mind-twisting deeply troubling stuff there. Or the sympathetic and heroic Wanda - the NY Tranny.

Gaiman wrote about the misfits, the marganilized, the troubled. He evoked a world where dream and reality interconnected and I was never quite sure which was what. The use of different artists gave each story a distinct feeling and furthered the feeling of a disjointed yet connected landscape.

Actually, I'm glad I waited to read this. I don't think I could have been patient enough to wait monthly for the issues. This way I got to enjoy them the way I would have a novel.

Now.. I just have to ponder what my next set of missed gems will be.

Ask Tranny

This is from a man I had been talking to about transitioning.

i like the way you answer..honest and nonjudgmental...so here is where my confusion comes in....in my younger days... and i don't know how it happened i seemed to have gotten involved in a gay group as a straight male...now there were guys that dressed as women...there were guys that dressed as bikers and others dressed in suits...all in all they seemed to be as screwed up as the rest of the world...except the had sex with other guys...so here i am again a straight guy and all i see is a group of people that have had their their bodies altered...and as far as i can see dress as women...and except themselves as women....and this group is also as screwed up as the rest of the world....
but i am left wondering....if you made the transition to look like a woman
.............................................if you see yourselves as women
then why keep the penis?

Why keep the penis?? Why indeed... the answers, again, will vary from woman (with penis) to woman. The easy reason is, the surgery is REALLY expensive, and in the US is not covered by most insurance.. so economics play a huge part in this decision. In my case, I had facial feminizing surgery WAY before I'll have a Dr touch my crotch simply because more people see my face.

The other reason I don't think I'll have the operation is because I just don't care about my penis one way or the other. I don't use it sexually but don't have a burning hatred for it either. It's just some bits in the front.

Still other women deeply enjoy orgasms.. and genital surgery carries a large risk of removing the ability to orgasm - sometimes permanently. So while the motivation to transition is largely not sexual in nature, a compelling reason not to alter the penis is that orgasms feel nice.

Yet other women, who identify themselves a fully female, enjoy having a penis. Their "mind" is female (not sissy gay man) but their sexual enjoyment is "male" (that is penis-focused). These would be girls who like or prefer to Top.

And still there are those who don't neatly fit any sort of classification. It is REALLY important to understand that physical sex (what's going on between the legs) and gender identity are not the same thing. For most people without a trans identity crisis (or who haven't had one) it is hard to make the distinction, partly because there are so many "shades of grey" (Butch women, sissy men, hetero guys who are nurturing and sensitive..etc.). For a person with a Trans* identity it is often a case where the mind has an image of the body that is SEXually different from the way the body developed.

The existence of a penis or breasts or any other secondary sex-characteristic does not preclude any gender identity.

Funk

Boy have I been in a funk lately. With the news about my friend, my complete lack of a social life, job stuffs, then the last few rather troubling articles we wrote - damn I just can't seem to get excited/happy/not bummed out. It's a pretty rare feeling for me - I'm generally pretty up tempo and chipper (if a bit cranky).

So.. I'll relate a little sumpin that recently happened that gave me a little bit of a smile. I went to the local super-duper-mega market to get some stuff. Being both careless and eco-friendly (in that order I'm sure) I walked the 10 or so blocks to the store. About half way there I had this gripping urge to tinkle. I picked up the pace and scooted to the store. Thankfully surprised to find an open stall in the women's room, I jumped in.

I came out and washed my hands. When I noticed two women giving me a less than complimentary look. Steeling myself for some comment or challenge I met their gazes. The older of the women stifled a giggle (great someone laughing at a tranny). Then she pointed out that I had tucked my skirt inside my panties with a shared mirth of something every woman has done in her life.

Being one to (over) process things. I spent my time getting some fixin's for burritos and thinking. Thinking about how sometimes we create our own conflicts. How in my desire to be accepted on my own merits (not as "trans" not as "woman") can sometimes make me see things in ways that are not how they are intended. And how, ultimately, everyone needs a moment to laugh at the stupid shit.

This unknown woman in a super market bathroom, kindly and jokingly pointing out that was showing my ass was the exact thing I needed to bust down a self-created wall I was starting to build. While keeping in mind that bad shit happens to all kinds of people, and particularly lately trans women, I can't let that limit me or sour me.

13 Years Ago - Tyra Hunter

http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2007/08/trya-hunter-anniversary.html

For those who don't want to read the linked article from Monica Roberts, yesterday marked the 12 anniversary of the death of Tyra Hunter. Unlike the death of Angie Zapata reported earlier this month, Ms Hunter's death was not due to the actions of one man, but rather the INACTION of a group of people.

Ms Hunter was a transwoman of color in Washington DC who was involved as a passenger in a auto accident. When the emergency responders arrived and removed Tyra and the driver it was discovered that Ms Hunter was, in fact a Transwoman. Rather than giving her emergency care that her wounds needed, one Adrian Williams proceeded to make comments about Ms Hunter's sex and race "This bitch ain't no girl...It's a nigger, he got a dick."

Mr Williams stopped working to joke about the semi-aware Hunter rather than provide the emergency care required. It wasn't until the gathering crowed urged him to take action that any attempt was made to save her life. But this wasn't the end of Ms Hunter's abuse. A doctor at DC General *REFUSED* - yes R E F U S E D to treat her. She died 13 years ago yesterday.


Again we see someone referring to a transgendered person as "it" a pronoun reserved for objects. Farmers, even, refer to cattle by their sex and they PLAN on killing them. By making transpeople "it"s they can comfortably deny our humanity and our dignity. They can absolve themselves of any and all abuses - and society allows them.

One final note - Mr Williams was eventually promoted on his job as an emergency caregiver.