I recently had an online discussion with a guy who is looking to explore his curiosity for "special girls". I won't lie, I get contacted by guys on TG dating sites lots some are sweet and some are total jackasses. This one comment stood out and why I am writing this after some processing.
"Most of these sites are full of ugly cross dressers and beautiful prostitutes".. ok he used a different word for "prostitute". He went on to compliment me on how I look etc. and hoped I was "for real" not not another "gurl after my money".
It's a common enough comment, either expressed or implied, by men who date us. Here is the deal guys. Every Trans* woman can pass and be beautiful - with surgery. Every man I have talked to wants a totally "passable" TS who looks like a gorgeous woman, but with the ability and desire to top. Here is the issue as I see it...
1) These guys never take a moment to apply the same standards to their own bodies/looks. If you can't snag a hot 20-something cis woman, why do you think you can snag a hot (er) Trans woman???
Don't get me wrong, I've dated guys and really liked guys who were very very average as are as looks went. They had a personality and humor that won me over. So it's not just looks I'm talking about, but the whole package.
2) The surgeries needed by most of us to "pass" well enough to try to meet the standards of the "curious and looking" are really expensive. In my case, I pass..very well. I guess I'm pretty cute, I'm $30,000 in debt because of it. That's after paying off a good portion over the past few years.
I don't own a car because of my face, I don't have a home because of my face, I don't have lots of luxuries because of my face. I'm actually pretty much broke and will be for the next 30 years...because of my face. I honestly don't begrudge a cute young T-girl for wanting some help handling her bills. It's hard to get a job even if you are "stealth", and getting a GOOD job is even harder... much less keeping it if they find out.
A friend of mine called me out about my surgical debt. "Girlina, your vanity got you inna this.. maybe you need ta use that ta get out." ... yes, she calls me "Girlina" *sigh*. The thing is, it was partly vanity, partly luck, and partly fear that made me have this series of surgeries, and I'm very pleased with the results. Vanity, because 7 years ago when I started, I swore that I'd stop if I couldn't look REALLY good. Luck, because I was able to fund my surgeries because I had a man who could support me while I save for them. Fear, because I didn't want to get my ass beat anymore.
So guys, look at you in the mirror, because I guarantee you that TSs on the scene encounter two types of men. "Pathetic guys who think we are so hard up we'll deal with their crap or Hot guys who stay long enough to pop and then freak out." See the knife cuts both ways.. sucks don't it.
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About Me
- rioTgirl
- Two long lost T-sisters who are smart sassy and oh so cute. Loves include fantasy games, comic books, video games, feminism, thinking about stupid stuff, and wondering if HE-MAN was the cause of all this.
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5 comments:
I love reading this blog!
As someone comfortable with money, I have to laugh at any 'guy' that worries about chicks after their money. If they worry about that - they just ain't got any. Who'd be after that? What a joke.
There's nothing more pitiful than a guy taking you on a date to Micky D's (from another post). What a drag! I am comfortable with money and that makes me uncomfortable around a guy that isn't comfortable with his own money.
Imagine that - a TG that makes money, honey. A TG superhero (not porn) success. I worked hard as nails for it, and I wouldn't haven it any other way - rock on! It was difficult, and I am proud of myself and my sister TGs that are trying (and many succeeding) at just being themselves in this world.
Thanks!! I'm glad you like our little slice of the Internet!
It's always good to hear from a sister who had made it on her own! I think more guys need to hear about gals like us!
Everyone has to undergo some degree of hardship to get the desires fulfilled. Trans*women have their own wall to scale. Look at the upside. From the first step to her last breath, a tg has to wage a relentless war against the rigid barriers of society. She is actually pushing it backward and making way (for herself and for others). When she nears the end of her journey towards transition and acceptance, her Courage and Will become Fortified many times that of a normal person.
-sesame
It's true: we spend some effort to look (at least) good or average, (alright, fabulous, if we want) but a lot of "chasers / admirers" won't go the distance to improve THEIR acceptability to us. Is it asking too much for them to at least try to dress better / bathe / whatever? At least afford us the same courtesy as they would afford a ciswoman.
I've had some downs in my life, but always came back up, by my doing. I really believe that if you want something bad enough, your life will be directed to that goal, and it will eventually be yours. I wanted "some" facial work done, and over the course of ten years got the dough together to actually get it done last year.
And, unfortunately, there are the bottom feeders that prey off the novice, the naive, trannie to get their satisfaction. Guess we've all been down that road at some time or other - a learning experience, I guess...
I have dated both GG and TG women who were what I call gold diggers, I've also dated both who were more concerned that I make my own bills and refused to let me pickup the check because they were afraid my finances wouldn't cover it. There are both types of women, and most guys need to get a brain.
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