I Pass

Lately, the fact that I an and do pass as a woman within my age-group has become a dating nightmare. Now, I don't want this to come off as a "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" type of post. Seriously, I'm not THAT vain - nor do I put that much stock in my looks. But, I DO get attention from men and women who don't know or don't date trans-women. I also get LOTS of attention from guys who do "date" girls like me. Particularly on the Internet dating sites I frequent.

The fact that I pass coupled with the fact that I'm comfortable and open about my status severely limits my ability to date. I have gone to straight clubs and have had guys trying to pick me up. My need for honesty compells me to disclose my status, not on the second or third date - but at "May I buy you a drink?" A couple ass-whuppings later, and I don't go out without an escort who can and will help me defend myself. Because I'm not comfortable with putting someone I like at risk, I just don't go out.

Online affords me the ability to to meet guys and not have to disclose anything about my history. Since that bit is taken care of for me by the sites. I get my share of curious guys, married guys, dudes with a fetish, etc. What I also get are guys who come across as complete gentlemen. They are (oddly) impressed that I'm smart and witty and tell me that those are the qualities they are looking for. The email and chat exchanges and phone calls eventually start to get more serious. These guys are seemingly looking for a girl-friend and they think I'm "the one". Each and every one of them fails for one of more of the following reasons:

1) They mention "You look like a girl, not a guy in a dress" - I dig that people like what they like, but I USED TO LOOK LIKE A GUY IN A DRESS. That and once I'm out as trans, I get considered a guy in a frikking dress.

2) They don't want to know anything about my past living as a guy. - I did some cool stuff as a guy, and I won't erase part of my history to ease someone's sense of sexual identity.

3) They expect me to be stealth. - I'm openly Trans, no shame, no regrets. While I have no interest in being the Tranny spokes-model, I won't lie or edit.

4) They throw in words like "Dirty Secret" or "My friends won't know what you are hiding". It's like the one above, but has a really creepy sexual vibe. This normally comes out like "You'll be my dirty little secret. I can't wait to have my friends see you and how pretty you are. They'll have no idea that when we get home I'll be playing with your _________". ICKY!!!!

At this point, I'm talking to a really nice guy. He's sweet and kind and educated. I don't know if he likes ME or the idea of ME. I never know until I have invested something in a relationship emotionally and end up feeling like crap.

I also know that I get treated so much better by the guys out there than some of my sisters. While I have gotten called a "fag with tits" more than I can count when I turn a guy down, guys usually go the extra mile to treat me well while wooing me. I have started editing my profiles to remove face pics because I realy want to be sure that guys are liking the strong, semi-independant, silly, nerdy, uptight, cranky, smart, funny chyck that I have become. Not a face that looks like a "beautiful 'normal' girl with something extra" (as a number of my emails tend to start off).