I was online chatting with a bunch of my Trans* friends that other evening. We are a group of gals from literally all over the world, but mainly the US/Canada and the UK - but with gals from Mexico, Japan, Australia, on and on..
What prompted this discussion was the missing date of one of our number. Our friend "J" had gotten all dressed up to meet a guy who had literally HOUNDED her a month - daily - to go out with him. On the fateful night of the date, he was MIA. The surprising thing to me was how NOT surprised any of us were. Not a one. We were comforting, and ego-boosting, and well friends. But we weren't shocked.
Each and every one of us all over the world with the exception of three gals (2 transitioned and maintained a relationship, one works as an escort/porn star) had well over a 50% no-show rate on dates this summer. It is so common that we are frakkin' SURPRISED when a guy manages to show up - THAT becomes news. ALL of us make alternate plans, make sure we have money to cover our dinner (even if the guy promised it would be his treat), and the thing that surprised me, I'm not the only one who carries a book in her purse to have something to do waiting for dude to show up. Actually, "dude" is a poor choice of words, because it really isn't better for my trans-Lesbian friends either.
I get it that being stood up isn't a "trans" thing, or even a "woman" thing. Thing is, I don't know any other group with such an abysmal rate of no-shows as tranny-chasers or chaser wannabes. When called out and being honest (not making some lame excuse) it's always "you don't know how frightening this is" or some such.. or guys making the excuse that it "takes time/courage". I'm a sensitive gal, I try to understand. My patience and understanding is running thin because it's so damn ...common. Like it's part of the Tranny Datng Game, and fooking EXPECTED.
My friends and I have begun exchanging names/online handles for guys who stand us up. These guys are on a list - no tranny-lovin' for joo!!!
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9 comments:
Good luck weeding out the jerks and "jerketts?". I can't imagine just not showing up. I at least always show up, and pay. Cause the asker should pay. Not too mention be a good date attentive, caring, focused. But that goes for both sides too. We all have had dates.
They make it that much harder for the rest of us. Although I worry for the girls or guys i guess who are so happy when date shows up, that they overlook other things. Just makes the good ones that much better I suppose. Too bad there couldn't be something like a paypal deposit at a resturant, to guarantee arrival. Well that could bring up a whole other set of questions and problems. The system is flawed lets go back to arrainged marriages.
I can't imagine it either, but it really is so so common.
SO common that my friend does in fact call it a "trans phenomenon." And 50% no-show is a good deal; my own is 90% at the very least. But the no-show thing only occurs when related to actual, let's-go-out-to-dinner kinds of dates. Back in the day when I'd be lookin' for a little somethin' somethin', at least 98% would show up at the door. If sex and discretion appear to be guaranteed, they will come. Literally... GGgggrrr... Which reminds me that my most recent "I just gotta go out with you and email you a few times a day" has suddenly gone terminally missing ever since I happily agreed. But I'm sure I'll be hearing from them once again in a few weeks with yet another sob story about a family member with cancer. I have no idea why that one seems to be so popular...
Because RG, boobs(breast cancer) are on way too many guys minds, unfortunately. And the law of averages should kick in soon where pretty soon everyone will show up. Gots to think positive.
RG you are absolutely corret. If the "date" is a shag at the gal's place, well it's on - no doubt. But if there is any sort of public meeting, it's anyone's guess if it'll be a show or not. Thing is, it seriously crosses all the "lines" - age, income, passability...
Last time it happened to me the guy called me from the parking lot absolutely freaked out and petrified - he peeled out and left before I could go outside to talk. I felt relieved in a way because it would probably have been a WAY awkward date...
I have to agree with riftgirl, my rate is a lot higher than 50% too... but honestly, one hot military helicopter pilot in Okinawa last year made up for at least 100 no-shows... ;-)
kara -
Thanks for commenting... a helicopter pilot huh.. oddly, I have found military guys to be the most likely to show up on dates. I'll have to ponder that man confir with my homies.
Thats a nice cudos for millitary personel. I never was in the armed forces, but I did play one in numerous video games. Although I think it would be hard for the pentagon to use it as a enticement for potential recruits. On a similar note, the don't ask don't tell act should be repealed soon. But does that apply here since your women. idk. But I agree with Kara, if they can't even show up, it would of been a bad date anyway.
Well I may show up late, but I always show up. To do otherwise would be very very rude. And I always try to pay. One young lady wouldn't let me once no matter how hard I tried to. Not that I was an excellent date, rather because I made her laugh when I told her about the latest battle my 2 oldest daughter were having.
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