I was out woth a couple friends last night, and I was drinking something stronger than my usual Coke on the Rocks. I was having a good time with my partner and two friends. I don't remember how the topic came up but my partner made the comment "Well, the reason you aren't going thorugh with being a tranny is.." I cut him off and interjected "What do you mean 'not going through'"?
I had more I wanted to say, but even tipsy I knew better than to spill 6 months wouth of anxiety and angst in the middle of a neighborhood bar with two good friends who would have become uncomfortable.
The ONLY reasons I'm not sporting bewbz and gobbling down hormones is... HIM!! and money... about equal measures of those actually. It ht me how little he has been involved in the single most significant thing that has happened in my life. By his choice.
I don't think he knows that protecting him from his anxiety regarding my transsexual identity crisis has made me essentially plod through this without his help or support or generally very good advice. He doesn't know that this is on the edge of my mind every moment of every day. Trying to figure out, not who I am, but what I'm going to do about it. He doesn't want to know, so I keep him safe. He can't help me and this makes me very sad.
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About Me
- rioTgirl
- Two long lost T-sisters who are smart sassy and oh so cute. Loves include fantasy games, comic books, video games, feminism, thinking about stupid stuff, and wondering if HE-MAN was the cause of all this.
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5 comments:
I remember very early on in my transition riding passenger in my boyfriend's car when he suddenly reached over and grabbed my boob and then said, "I'm so sick of grabbing your tits and only feeling foam."
How does one even reply to that? Like, "Oh really? I personally happen to love it!"
Try not to let him get you down. It's sad, but most will never "get" it unless they've transitioned themselves.
I can only imagine it would hurt, when the person your with doesn't seem willing to help you with your problems. But have you asked him for help in specific ways? Guys need direction at times, and want it. Sometimes we are so worried about offending that we don't say anything at all. But maybe he isn't "equipped" in helping in the ways you want and or need.
Good Luck regardless.
When I brought up the identity issues I was haveing, he wasn't surprised... actually I think I was the only person who was..
His comment was (in short) If I transitioned it would likely be the end of "us", but that shouldn't stop me from exploring and he didn't want to know about any of it.
It come up from time to time, but it's like the elephant in the room. Every time I have mentioned anythig he gets anxious and angry and ultimately insulting... Think it's time for a blog post about that.
Eek, honey. It sounds like the atmosphere is gettin' rather heavy in your household...
If he is so insecure about your transition, I would really rethink your relationship. A relationship/marriage is a partnership. If one member is unhappy, made to feel ostracized, it can't be a very healthy relationship. Both members/partners need to feel secure in what the relationship is and isn't. I'm not saying that if he really cared for you he would be more supportive, but I question his reactions to your transition and how they relate to any insecurities he might have.
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