I got off the phone with Amanda. The rapist was our friend's ex (I'll call her "C") and her current is still MIA. She will not be pressing charges. Her reasons being that she is "stealth" and has a history of sex work. The media and law are hardly friendly to either Trans* women or ex-sex workers. She would rather avoid any potential attention to herself than she has to. Also, her father is a pastor in a nearby church, and she doesn't want to shame him.
The officers at the hospital talked with C's neighbor when she was admitted. After a while the doctor came out and spoke to the police (and probably disclosed C's status). After this point I understand the officer's tone changed. They went from being concerned to being rather aloof with the neighbor. Amanda tells me that part of C's decision not to press charges was the questioning by the officers when she woke up.
** Here is where I'm going to interject**
First of all, if I had the bastard's picture his face would be plastered all over this blog and mailed to everyone I know. How is it that she doesn't want to press charges?? I understand the reasons, and I support her decision - but I don't like it at all!!! Rape is statistically the least reported crime, more so if the survivor is Gay or Trans*. This sends a message to the rapist that we are easy targets - they can violate us with no repercussions. particularly in the case with SO abuse, they are creeps who already feel that we are obligated to protect them based on our relationship with them (past or present).
As far as bringing shame on the family... that's hard. I understand this also. Especially if the relationship with the family is strained. But... Uah! I'm just too angry to type.
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About Me
- rioTgirl
- Two long lost T-sisters who are smart sassy and oh so cute. Loves include fantasy games, comic books, video games, feminism, thinking about stupid stuff, and wondering if HE-MAN was the cause of all this.
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10 comments:
I used to have the same sort of feelings with regard to a rape victim not pressing charges. And then it happened to me. And then it happened a second time. And no, I didn't report either instances. And while my head tells me every reason why I should have, I can't really describe the feelings of utter shame, helplessness, and even stupidity at the time each occurred - and especially with the second. Not to mention the fear associated with having to out myself to authorities and possibly telling my family about it and dealing with reactions that I had no idea would be resultant. The sheer desire to just try and obliterate it all out of existence was overwhelming.
It's not an excuse. It's something that I pray nobody else has to go through in order to understand. The irony there being, I suppose, that because of my own inaction, the chances of that happening are greater.
And, oh god, now I feel terribly depressed.
Riftgirl..
What can I say? Nothing much except that the decision to press charges or not is deeply personal. There is no "right" answer. It's the kind of thing that one can't know until gods forbid happens to them.
Bionca,
Glad you posted a link to your blog. This is a very sad story and highlights how dangerous prejudice can be.
Cham
Sadly I don't know if there is a punishment that would be able to restore your friends mental health. To be violated by someone you used to care about. horrible. Maybe it is best for her to just move on. I wish her the best.
This is a double-edged thing; first the actual beating and then the fact that someone she knew / loved(?) did this to her.
As I was becoming more out as a T person, my B/F got increasingly more hostile, until the night where the inevitable happened. I still cry when I think of it: not so much the pain from the beating, but the fact that someone I loved, so deeply, could do this to me. A betrayal, I felt.
(Pause to dry eyes...).
I'm happier now being single, but with friends I can count on to be friends.
Best to Amanda and to you, also, RioT....
Urrr, sorry, meant Amandas' roomie....
Thank you all!!
The comments are appreciated by all involved here.
cham - thanks for visiting. We like having you here *hug*
strongback - I think you are right. Sometimes the best thing to do is just try to get on with your life
tracee - *hugs* Let me help dry your tears hun.. I am recently single (well for the past year lol after a 7 year thang with a fella. I'm kinda digging being single myself... now if only I was dating as much as people assume I am *sigh*
While I understand her decision, I don't agree with it. Whether it's my place to disagree with or not I don't know. But when you started to recount the officers attitudes, my blood pressure went up 20 or 30 points. I worked as a Security Officer reserve Police officer for almost 10 years, and the one thing that totally infuriated me was women even t women NOT wanting to prefer charges when they were sexually assaulted, or physically assaulted by their BF, Husband, friend, whoever it happened to be. I wanted to HURT one individual so badly one night. But I couldn't. I had to follow procedure and since she didn't sign, he stayed out of the shiny bracelets, even though her face looked like hamburger, and his knuckles were ripped open from where he beat her so bad. And I couldn't do anything about it. So yes I can understand why she doesn't want to press charges, but were I the reporting officer I would be counseling her to do it.
Hey, Marcus, must've been frustrating to have seen that and knowing that the thug would walk away from it. Unjustified violence against anyone, especially someone weaker, is just wrong at the core.
Guys in general get a bad rap many a time, deservedly or not. I had some cosmetic stuff done in S/F last year, and while walking around bruised, got sympathy from people, one woman asking "did a man do that to you?". (Actually, yes, and he took all my money - was my surgeon!).
Thanx, Rgirl, for the kind words!!! It's all just one of lifes' lessons...
Mark - I passed on your wishes for a speedy recovey. C is doing fine. Her neighbor, her boyfriend and our friend Amanda have all called the local PD's Gay/Lesian Community person to discuss how the reporting officers acted. Not sure what will happen there or if that will change C's mind about pressing charges.
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