Well, it seems that we have a question from one of the guys...
" I'm thinking about going out with a T-girl. I met "her" online and "she" seems pretty nice. My first question is - does this mean I'm gay? Second question - do I use guy or girl words when talking to them?
I hope these questions aren't stupid. I really think I'm interested in this person and don't want to seem like a jerk. "
(name not printed)
Dear J,
The first thing that struck me was the use of quotations around female pronouns. Since I noticed this, and you are asking about pronouns, I'll address this first. With a Transsexual woman, you should use the pronouns that fit her gender identity. This can get tricky if you are dating a Cross Dresser or Transvestite who live mostly as a man and identify as a man with a "feminine side" that needs expressed. In the latter case, take your cues from your date. If you are going out with a TS who is living full time or planning to live FT as a woman, there is no reason to use "he" or "him" when referring to your date. In fact, doing so would generally be quite insulting.
As far as dealing with the history of your date, again take your cue from her. Some gals go to great lengths to hide there history and erase all signs that they were born male. Some gals are quite comfortable about their history. In either case bringing it up in public is poor form and can be dangerous for both of you.
The first question is probably the #1 question for guys who date gals like me. The best thing I can say is : It really shouldn't matter. The answer is going to be murky and depends on your point of view. If you view a trans* woman as a woman, then you probably aren't gay. If you view her as a man with boobs, then you might be gay. Or you may not, since self-identification is what is important. As far as society goes, lots of people will think you are gay for dating a T-gal.
Ultimately, the answer to the gay question is one of personal understanding. Dating a T-gal isn't gay in a traditional way (gay guys don't go for us) - but it isn't exactly hetero either (especially if your gal has a pee pee)
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About Me
- rioTgirl
- Two long lost T-sisters who are smart sassy and oh so cute. Loves include fantasy games, comic books, video games, feminism, thinking about stupid stuff, and wondering if HE-MAN was the cause of all this.
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3 comments:
".... In either case bringing it up in public is poor form and can be dangerous for both of you."
I'm sorry, I totally know what you meant by this, but I couldn't help but get an image of him mentioning her past, and then her getting angry and poppin' him one - hence, the danger.
Okay, I really need to get some sleep, eh? ;-)
haha "So... how long have you had boobs and a willy??" He asks in the crowded bar. She frowns at him before winding up for a shot to the jaw. Recovering a little she turns her haed to him and says "Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
*hugs*
When I took "E" to TGIFriday's and she got carded, and her license still shows her as male. The server looked at me rather weirdly before finishing taking our order. I've always felt if a person presents themselves as a woman I will treat them as such. And the H E double hockey sticks with what anyone else thinks. I'd tell that individual if he can't figure out how to even refer to a person he doesn't need to be dating them as he doesn't know anything about a person. He's referring to her as some type of "thing" not a person. That's my take on it.
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